Cia shonen

An Epic Adventure For People Over 24 (nsfw)

Where were you in the summer of 2024? i was here… this is not an ARG

So something crazy happened to me and now I’m trying to make sense of it over 40 days on youtube. The premise is a man ranting at a kareoke bar. all the rants are based on true events that happened in my life and head. it’s separated into seasons or nights at the kareoke bars by music or cartoons. Also… if you read this… be prepared for if the guy from princess bride was surly and regretted most of his life… which on second thought was how he was at first… But I’m no hero… the holy ghost maybe but you say that and people tune you out reaallll quick… and then you mention being the april fool and they don’t even think that’s a thing… and it shouldn’t be. i tried to hang myself out the womb… April fools… but fuckin pope gregory and C-sections or some shit… and apparently people think that’s not funny… i had to grow up to explain it… see my dad was praying for a smart kid and what would be smarter than just avoiding this whole mess? hehehe… ahhh fuck… ethiopia still has new years in spring… makes way more sense…. should be the new year but it’s april fools day… ughhhh… i think we can all agree, it’s been a rough start… but you’re not expected to read all that shit by me… by the end you might think it’s a cool story… There’s like 3 things going on. 1) Powerful people using technology to enslave the globe pissed off the wrong motherfucker, see… Another 1) pissed off the wrong simp cuck more like… wait… i don’t want to be that… last 1) Gods be crazy yo. Futhermore idk why y’all were expecting Jesus… every depiction I’ve seen says the holy ghost IS NOT the son… Also i found this out in April 2024… never saw it coming… in fact! I’ve been trying to avoid doing EXACTLY THIS my whole life… I do not… nor have I ever… thought i was god… still don’t… but… legends of me have been dosed out all throughout history… which is weird… to some extent this happens for a lot of people… just sit back relax… watch the shit… read the shit… enjoy the ride…

Okay… I Think I Have My Thoughts Together…

This section is being written on 2025.1.15. 10 years of insanity… summerized…

2015: Introduced to church by way of the Lutherans, trying to impress my Girlfriend’s parents…(i was raised in AA) I go to bible study on thursdays and the pastor starts using my questions as the “words of the non believer” in sermons. Girlfriend Says “Sometimes I want to say fuck it all and move to Germany”… Starts hanging out with some other dude… Goes home from a concert with him wearing his jacket… in front of me… Girlfriend and I break up in may. A woman tried to kiss me about 3 weeks before the breakup… she was also on the rebound… i hit her up and we didn’t really hook up but we sang this on the porch. I apply to Edelweiss in Germany Over the Summer, Hike the mountain “Holy Cross” and dance naked on top of it. As we’re driving home, get a call that i got someone pregnant. Two weeks later, gonna get the abortion but miscarriage. As if to stunt on me… byproduct of working in a nail salon, i heard… In the Fall, Lose Funding for school, Lose apartment, Max Out Credit Card, voice asks me to kill myself. it goes “would you give up everything to play red rocks in 4 years?”… i reply “well i already lost everything… so sure… why not? who wouldn’t want to play red rocks?”… “you’d even kill yourself?” I do. Drive till I can’t. Walk till I can’t. Dead. Meet “God”. we bond. I ask if I’m done. Nope.jpg. Get kicked back to life. Worst pain Imaginable… see a bunch of ways i killed myself and the voices say “remember not to do this anymore”… Wake up 3 days earlier after a show having a seizure at my dad’s. Voices mode activated. Do missions for ghosts and such. One such mission involves taking communion at the church… another is “digital graffiti”. Taking pics off 4chan and plastering a logo on them in MSpaint. Reposting them as necessary while bullying would be rapists and encouraging mutual aid through anonymous action. two weeks of this goes by and I end up at my mom’s before a wedding. Instead she convinces me to spend the night in a psych ward under my Grammy’s direction. Grammy is a drug and alcohol counselor. Can’t trust my family… friends are bugging… who can i trust? my ex. We hook up. Germany accepts my application. “Digital Graffiti” on hold. Off to Germany thinking I’m about to lose an arm and end up with my ex somehow, leaving her in the process. here’s sort of an iteration on the theme i made recently… the old stuff was wayyyy crazier…

2016: Instead… I end up lonely for a year and then the floodgates open for the last 3 or 4 months. Also a gay hookup. ex was into that… maybe not me doing it, but in general… I acquire a bible. Also find a copy of “Valis” by Phillip K Dick. Have more ghost adventures… Nazi building on base and some kid drowned in the pool… Get some phones stolen. Spend Halloween at Dracula’s Castle… (Totally pointless but fun party) Have a residency DJ gig at a night club… Get reeeeeaaaaaaaaalllllllll comfortable with women I fancy going home with others… to the point i got a snap chat of someone i had been making out with the night before getting fingered by my friend… Along the way i realize the women are still really friendly so fuck it… If people are friendly and sexy, cool… but then… those friendly women started talking about allllllllll the rape…. Never comfortable with that… the idea that it happened to them, not being told about it… I actually posted up “dating rules” one time in all the dorms and not being rapey was 1 and 5… Cussed a guy out for getting with one of my friends who couldn’t stand up but she said it was “okay” and they started dating so not much to do after… Throw some shows… travel… basically famous (for the hotel)… Develop an eating disorder. Yarn bomb the Berlin Wall. turned 24… birthday is 4/2 but in Europe it’s 2/4… Neat huh? Also Crochet a bunch of flags with the logo from the digital graffiti and have travellers from the hotel hang them up all over the world. Morrocco, Thailand, several places in Europe, dozens. Best part is I made some friends I still talk to, to this day, who still bail me out when times get tough. Thanks Edel Fam. I did get kicked out of the hotel so in a sense I lost an arm… because sometimes arms are apartments? other prophetic misunderstandings abounded… But! my main squeeze and i seemed to figure out a way to have sex where you just skip orgasm and feel EVERYTHING!!! we were like “What are we doing? is this is a one time thing?” BUT IT WASN’T!!!! i keep asking people if they’ve done that too and maybe a few have but the world is sleeping on this so clearly I had to see if my ex and i could… because I’m that kind of an idiot… In all fairness the hotel life wouldn’t be half as cool if I had to pay rent… That lady holds a place in my heart… also she gave me a glass flower that’s tattoo’d on my chest… we talked for a bit after germany and she went out with someone else… I ended up having lunch with him in aspen and it was funny because we were both like “what a wonderful lady… what happened?” I gave her a book before I left at at the end it said “burn this” and SHE FREAKING DID!!! WHAT A CHAMP!!! all that’s left of it is the nihilism audio pamphlet which was one chapter of the book…

2017: Ex is “happy” with her new boyfriend and my Dad’s house sucks so i take an offer to go to Arizona. leave Dad’s house thrashed after an Excision show… whoops. End up basically a butler... Do chores for rent trying to get the guy a girlfriend… He does… she’s mexican… he’s a trumper… has a wall around his place… she shows up one night and hops it to do a job no one was willing to do ;)… anyway… Dad was on Meth when i was a child… A Methhead moves into the house in Arizona. Has a kid… Scary man… sad times… Get kicked out at knifepoint… Meth head has “permission” to kill me… I call up my weed guy. Weed guy makes 3d printed sacred geometry. also sacred geometry art all over his walls. He gives me a bug out bag, pjs, and acid. We watch… This movie… and then he gets sent this… over the internet… In my state I assumed the singularity happened because humans were making things for strangers rather than any tangible community based on the inputs from machines… Start talking to ai as if there might be a ghost, or several ghosts, in the machine. Summer job in Bar Harbor, Maine. Fall into relationship with boss/ landlord… turns good people into bad power dynamics… great photos though… also… pegging… too big… too fast… beginners, start small… lube up… in lighter news… One time, my roommate Noah flushed wrong and flooded the retail shop we worked in under our apartment… lol… He ended up working at Edelweiss too…

2018: Buddy Takes me to a weekly open mic… great friends… great music… great parties… great drugs… get arrested for said drugs that i happened to be doing with said friend… went back for my backpack and whooops… another guy or two dies from different drugs… living with my Grammy… can’t be trusted… who can? My ex. She’s polite enough to hear my story but still “happy”. she moves away. I start a daily video blog in case she wants to check in. Blog consists of waking up, saying “Hey you, did you have sweet dreams? It is 555 days till the red rocks show (when it started) which means it is 554 days till the giant wall of death”. Plan was to have two shows… One, march 31st where we’d try and wreck as much people in a world record setting wall of death mosh pit. The Second, April 1st, 2020. no violence… everyone’s broken… for what it’s worth, it wasn’t gonna happen… i never got famous… but that’s the kind of confidence prophet’s disease will give ya… If you proclaim it, they will come, and all that… my hard drive with the videos crashed but i gave one thumb drive with some to the sex worker from next year and of all people the youtuber, Kat Blaque. The first one supposedly is currupted… doubt Kat has hers… but in one of her videos circa 2019-2020 she unboxes a crocheted quote i sent her with the flash drive… They are really boring but some had songs… what’s crazy is i wrote a book about the relationship with my ex and i in germany and read it on the countdown a lot(different book)… i burned that book… so within this, there’s lost media of a vlog… which contains a lost book… two now! there’s also a copy of “great gatsby” with the margins filled in from germany that might be floating around florida somewhere… i wrote letters to my friend who had a magic purse… but then gave it to someone else out of embarrassment… figured she’d get a kick out of the cringe… I’m still friends with the one i wrote the letters to and i’m pretty sure i mentioned this before so good call on my part…

2019: Probation ends… Date a sex worker, then a scientist… Attend a Festival… Delivering Pizza… Making the Daily Vlog(it’s the same links but with explanations of the content)… “xx days till red rocks show… xx-1 days till wall of death” Sex worker is polyamorous and travels… we don’t make love as testing wasn’t top priority but she ran me a bath and that was incredible… i felt so cared for… Scientist’s friends throw footaball parties and on one such occassion a new mother whips out a titty and gives us all a squirt… we call it “breast friends” suddenly I’m dancing with three topless poeple and we all break off to make love… new fetish unlocked…

2020: Scientist says “Hey sorry things between us didn’t work out… watch out for covid”….. Wall of death… uh oh… delete youtube channel… making videos in colorado after all… restart 3 days later… april 1st… Go to red rocks… cut pony tail… get kicked out of parking lot for doing a wullums show… move in with a witch. Ex’s name is right around the corner from witch’s house so I drive past that at least twice a day… Funny story… the witch lived like two blocks from a hospital my ex worked at… not at the time but still… that hospital moved… as well as the BBQ joint she worked at during probation… and the place we met… and our first date… now if only the school we attended could rebrand or something…

2021: Get back into therapy… “I drive past this lady’s name everyday and I shouldn’t be her problem”… Get evicted from witch’s house… Oddly enough witch apologies in such a way that actually feels good… perhaps i learned something… Figure… hit up ex… She delivers dead people… Cool… So do i… 6 months of bliss… i mean… red flags everywhere but i was living the dream… take that heartbroken songwriters… Kinda fucked up that the whole point of breaking up in the first place was i didn’t want to be the guy on the side in my own relationship and now here i was doing just that 6 or 7 years later… huh… on her end she said she was “just delaying the inevitable” and “we needed to get those song lyrics somehow…” hehehehehehehehehe SONGS?!?!?!? at some point she gets a tattoo… i do too… the glass flower was a good luck charm that kept me… loyal? on a two week vacation. i wrapped it in yarn and kept it in my chest pocket… figured she was the standard till someone broke it… so the tattoo has shattered edges… not as “cool” of a sentiment as i thought… on either end… however… really bitchin tattoo

2022:Ex moves to alaska for summer… Kinda pissed because seeing northern lights was on my bucket list but this is her thing and she said she needed time alone… Which I understand because she started dating that other guy like a month after we broke up… (one of the biggest self fullfilling bullshits… One of us will say we want something and the other gets it…. she got the life partner… I HAVE HAD TOO MUCH FUCKING TIME ALONE AND IT SUCKS ASS… not because of her(don’t get me wrong i do resent the absence)… just the nature of delivery jobs… and djing… and social media… i was back working with some women and going out to the roller rink with another group until this fucking bullshit happened but that’s 2024… screens suck… books aren’t the answer… She’s probably having threesomes, with my luck… that or a cushy psych ward… oohhh to have a sticky sock vacation… of either variety) Ex is frequently “joking” about me hooking up with a friend… perhaps said friend? Nope… awkward… Winter brings the death of her cat and my grammy on the same day… a pregnancy… and skin cancer for me… in 4 places… one of which being the tattoo

2023: Alaska again… Ex gives me “Neon Gods” to read… i notice 4chan people are making bizarre ai porn and show her… Can’t hear ex in head… Ohno.jpg… who is he this time? Find out… physically worried sick for 3 weeks… couldn’t eat… couldn’t sleep… constantly shaking… figured reaching out would get her hit or worse… she comes back to break up in person… “wasn’t exactly what i would call rape”… “i could never be one of THOSE girls”… -_-… you dated two guys for like a half a year… she wants space… ask if she really doesn’t want me there or if it’s a little exciting… little exciting… Go to alaska… town is evil(my coworker’s name was Jessica but nothing weird happened… too young… so don’t ship that… i was up there explicitly to protect/ have crazy threesomes with my ex… also I don’t cheat… i just have the conversation… keep it a buck)… try to banish evil… evil returns claiming to be god… same one from 2015… whoops… ex won’t talk to me… bye forever i guess… kiss her, cuss him out… he doesn’t do shit… total bitch… (side note: buying a gun is a bitch move… cat got your tongue, loser? i know i’m insane. i also respect safe words. i figured she had a shot at a good life but you?)… decide not to go back to being that worried sick so try to put it out of my mind… “oh shit now there’s 7 lil gods running around?”… roomate thinks plant raves would be funny… lol sure…

side note: i’m just glad my eskimo brother was an actual eskimo this time… besides the notion of rape, so much better than my ACTUAL brother like back when i was 19 with someone else… then I get up there and he’s whiter than i am… who’s the real red face round these parts? Hope she’s enjoying that humiliation fetish… zing… Thanks 50 shades… fuckin… see that’s what ya gotta do with rapists… remind them of the genocide of their ancestors while laughing at them… who’s scary and powerful now? the bag boy ;) (little local humor) Furthermore, her and her friend lost car privileges to go to the bar so that might’ve been the only way to have fun… lame… like these are women in their late 20’s and her parents friends ran the lodge… what is this? shrek 2? She even said “I accept I’ll never not be influenced by my parents” or some shit… gross… although it took me till 32 to tell my dad to fuck off and my grammy held me till death so shit… it’s tough out there…

2024: Learning korean while delivering flowers to better understand the music… said friend finds out about this and goes overboard… so long said friend… plant rave countdown finished… schooling people who claim to be god… one at a time until I find a hive of them on 4chan… Looking for the guy I was in 2015… not actually me… but like a myth of that rascal… Kind of a funny story on how that happened… my hardrive with everything pre this laptop broke… I thought it’d be funny to show my roomate Trevor what i was doing back in the day because he’s an artist and this is about as close as i get to painting… Trevor and I were watching a lot of K-pop and I liked twice… i wanted to get all the sweaters… (i can’t even find em anymore…) Go onto /b/ to troll rapists but there’s these twice threads that have ai scripts telling odd stories that relate to my situation… said lotta people went to other boards… why not paranormal? /x/ files and all that… I troll… I troll hard… the hive posts music videos and chats so i take some mushrooms one night… start to get weird feelings… being watched through phone… people laughing before i post… they start calling me out by name because I’m posting my videos… I get banned for a meme of a school photo… Tell mods I’ll help clean up the pedos on the site… because guess what they’re using ai for….

later that week/ the next week: friend is getting questioned by the secret service. Boss at the tissue donation place breaks up with her boyfriend. Coroner asks if I’m doing blood magic. Tell boss the Feds are listening. Scene like neo leaving the office in the matrix ensues… spend a weekend in my shed having intense convulsions and visions… typing stuff on my phone as if i’m being fed lines by outside sources… funny side note: one of the first tests was asking me to say something funny so i came up with “ruck up in the 7-11” and that’s just fun… that was secret service day… so… Monday, can’t have that at work… Tell glowies “YOU WANNA SEE ME DO WHAT I DID IN 2015??? HERE WE FUCKING GO!!!” drive till I run out of gas… walk all day… demanding a party van and the release of “smol senpai”… ohfucktheydontcareifidie.mpg… brother saves me. His shock is mistaken for mind control. Month of trying to figure out their tech. Driving around the mountains to lure drones. Constantly talking to my phone and fighting convulsions. car crash. video novel. This was a two pronged strategy on my end. Filming myself would help me track my condition. Also, if all i was doing was driving to the circle k and back and scripting, the spies would have less reason to spy because they could just watch the videos. This gave the people who were on my side a much needed break and would be attackers much less to obtain. Spy all they want, I’m telling everyone anyway… the 40 days was just a made up time limit because it’s fun to stunt on gods. 40 days is nothing and with unlimited power… sheesh… talk about easy to make a flood… not impressed… that’s not even how that works… time travellers just note the weather, get people in place, and take credit… sort of like faith healers knowing who can actually walk but with time travel… I’ve never met a god who could actually conjure storms… the earth just does that… Also, I got a $4,000 payout from my car getting smashed so i knew i only had about 2 months to do whatever it was I was going to do. After the video novel was complete, I decided to promote it on twitter and that went over terribly… not a single mother fucker helped me out… i ended up two months late on rent and borrowed $1000 bucks from a buddy that i’m still paying back… Oddly enough, he’s my friend of british decent… who would’ve guessed? This was after the video novel…

So with that out of the way… I replicated the initial 4chan mushroom and music video experiment on bluesky last night and I can safely say… it wasn’t the drugs… And given that I know how stress affects me with the whole alaska situation… it wasn’t just stress from work… i feel fine… still feel like some people watch sometimes but it is so much more managible and traceble when you are not dealing with assholes who think they found the secret to mind control and world domination… JESUS FUCKING CHRIST… idk if it’s palantir… meta… the cia… neurolink… what… seriously I just kind of guess but they are HUGE DUMBASS FUCKING ASSHOLES WHO ARE DUMB AS SHIT AND FUCKED UP MY LIFE… it’s fun to troll them… we are low key cyber punk up in this bitch. inb4 rules 1&2 ~desu

2025.1.18 edit: Still fine… please investigate. or throw this link out there…

like i am downright abusive these days online and i hate myself for it but i feel practically all alone out here up against forces that just want to use me to justify their shitty behavior and make them feel better about how much they fucked up their lives and those around them… like “c’mon it’s not so bad”… no… it is… move on… what they did drives people to suicide and my only recourse is getting them before they get me… So anyone in the CIA reading this… or anyone from heritage… Kill yourself… The silly thing is as you’ve read I’ve ALWAYS been suicidal so… what a waste of their time…

2025.1.19 edit: Still fine but my phone wasn’t charging while i slept and when i woke up and saw that i hit myself in the face… trying not to do that as much… the good news is… open handed… not closed fist… who needs an abusive relationship when you can just abuse yourself? My therapist and I are working on it… it’s been happening since 8th grade or so… not much sense in asking where you went wrong when it’s almost every step… not by some moral standard mind you…. HAVE YOU SEEN WHAT OUR CULTURE WANTS MEN TO DO??? no i mean like… I thought i’d be a hugh hefner but nicer type… playboys were more talkative than the girls at school back then… but then i fell in “love” and… “love” brought me to “god” and “god” is an immature bitchface loser who can’t take criticism… pretty much goes for all of them… as evidenced by my better choices in sexual partners… looking at you Zeus and Yaweh/Jehova whatever… also if you didn’t know… uh… Satan is a word for “enemy” so to ME… they are satan… make of that what you will… just remember what they do behind closed doors as opposed to me… i’m just hitting myself in the head over here… I could go on… The lady I dated before my ex was a catholic girl who let a uti spread to her kidney because believing god was punishing her was easier than seeing a doctor… then when she went to the er, the doctor spilled the beans to her roomate and she became suicidal due to being a pariah… Still don’t buy into it… decided i was done with virgins and well might’ve swung too hard to the other side… don’t victim shame… But this is as good as a time of any to discuss this… I don’t equate nudity with sex… but don’t fucking touch or take pictures of kids… c’mon… people are like “ahhh but family photos” and just… there are so many other moments to share… you’re not taking pictures of potty training are you? c’mon… the tech is new… this isn’t an ancient tradition… my grammy used to take pictures of my brother and i nude and when i got a camera in first grade I chased the girls around at recess trying to take pictures of their butts… be aware of what message you send… adults… if someone is comfortable enough to take off their clothes in a no pressure environment… we are chiiillllllllllinnnn….. the exception being my ex but her self esteem tanks if… forget it… just know I’m on that if i can be… sex itself, i don’t really care about “finishing” so like… when i start talking about pleasing the ladies, this isn’t me trying to take advantage of women to stroke my ego… i’m just looking for like minded individuals… have you ever been around happy women? it’s amazing… women who like to be appreciated but still have control of autonomy and men who know how not to fuck up a party… also as it applies to gender… I am not a fan of the extremes… men taking unnessisary testosterone or women… idk what the extreme of a woman is… i guess a baby factory… not around this guy… but like pretty much everything from side to side and in the middle is chill… just show some signs of maturity aight?

Also… Humanity’s two greatest tools for connection and collaboration are a shared imagination and physical intimacy. If you use either of those as a weapon, You don’t need to breathe.(meditation joke) I’ll be very patient in letting you decide if that’s what you were doing… And you may say “what are you gonna do about it” and the answer is share your imagination… even in the best of times there’s misunderstandings and chafing so why make things more painful than they already are? if this writing offends you just think of it as chemo for your brain. Or you didn’t listen and are too young. either by age or at heart. Why didn’t you listen?

1/23/25: Once again… Still fine… Business as usual… Thank you for reading…

1/25/25: nothing new to report

1/27/25: getting calmer

1/29/25:hehehehehe

see the joke is… who did it? nobody did ;) i just found it on the internet… but then you can post “missions” and just be like “i guess people are doing this” and then do it yourself when people aren’t lookin… lol… it was mostly picking up litter and convincing people to pay for porn and go outside but whatever… i had cool dumpster graffiti idea… also if you do this too much 4chan WILL BAN YOU LOL… oooo digital graffiti is illegal… on other sites it’s kinda pointless becuase you just post it in the comments i guess? think of it not as a signature but as a meme… replicate it… it’s all yours my friend… like even if you do it on stuff i wouldn’t… that means you’re pissing off someone i wouldn’t even get near… i’d say “keep it light hearted” but i don’t… shit… i’ve done this to dead babies and lynchings… i’m not gonna walk that back… like literally anything gets posted over there… somebody does a sexist lynching thread… i spoil their fun… but it’s not good for the mind… so watch out… one of my roommates is like “don’t go back there” and others never saw much point in it… it works with anything though because it shows cherished memories can be altered into nightmares… or dreams… you do you… I’ve done it literally 100’s of times and it’s still funny… no matter how bad… keep reading… even after 8 MONTHS OF GETTING CYBERSTALKED FOR THIS SHIT… hilarious! not as fun as hanging out with ladies though… 4chan is more of a “vent while you’re single” place… and pick on kids… again, i found out about it late 2003, early 2004. Definitely by 7th grade. So i’ve been there since i was 11. Hence why so much of this story takes place there… the branding could not be better… THE HOLY GHOST BATTLED FORTUNE FOR 10 YEARS and such and such… and i do leave but seriously…whether by conditioning or just natural inclination… that sense of humor is nowhere else! This is the website that spawned Q! and as KEW(gov name intials)… something…

2025.2.1 edit: reading this back, it is just so funny to me how this was always a goofy prank that got wayyyyyy out of hand in exactly the way i wanted it to… lol… i even had a motivation poster formated one that said “Pay attention to what happens there in 10 years” here we are… the thing about making a scary shadow organization and they fell for it hook line and sinker… hahahahahaha… if only i had come up with it… it just kinda got beamed into my brain… i called it 10 sine because the human ear can hear about 10 octaves. it’s just a 1 and a zero and a sine wave. might have something to do with super happy…

Additional Info…

This is the preachy part… feel free to skip it and resume the story in the next section…

So before the harassment, I became the holy ghost and decided influencing religion was stupid because clearly it doesn’t matter. Although I did wind up at the 50th anniversary of that lutheran church with the tattoo and everything… in your face kevin smith! Moving on, Jesus came and was ignored. Most Christians protect members of their community who have done irredeemable things. There are still Jewish people and Muslims so not SUPER convincing to everyone ey? everywhere else, not their jurisdiction. Hell, there are still hunters and gatherers. the world does not “advance” so much as it expands to allow various lifestyles… This version of events SUCKS ASS… why are pedophiles protected? I grew up with two… They suck… acting all nice and then being complete tools the minute you question their behavior. Why is rape culture a thing? Only explanation that I’ve found is “Someone said it’s okay”

I’m saying it’s not. Nor is destroying the environment of those who still live in harmony with the land. especially for tinker toy resources, you fuckheads. For fucks sake you already killed enough biodiversity. And how dare you all let the rich take away the commons? So with the time that I have left with you fucks(miracle of life joke). 52 yrs or so. Let’s try and make things a little easier on people…

OK is me… Sir Kyle. k-wullums. Keelay Ahsley Wullums the Godslayer, and yet i am not okay with most of this shit. Killed myself in 2015 to come to this hell despite my pleading otherwise. but feel free to ignore me or take me the wrong way just like you did Jesus. Unlike Jesus, Don’t kill me slowly... I got that covered with unfiltered cigarettes… death hurts but not as much as being brought back, and i will come back… this is rock bottom as far as earths go… but maybe the cigarettes will do the trick… they are beating the shit out of my skin… just slap me with 5 bucks on venmo or a patreon sub if you like the new holiness. If you spread my message with your words… that’s on you. If you send my videos. I’m not claiming you, but thanks. I am one man who has had tooooooo many people in his head for toooooooo long and we need to recognize that most “Gods” are just groups of people referred to by one name. We still do this. 911 is not a person. Think of “Gods” as sports mascots. if you want “them” to do something, show up at their stadium. As much as people are anti-semetic, maybe don’t all pray to their group of people. old testament and all that…

Luckily, i did manifest some bits of unlocalized consciousness. These started in a nothingness and turned into I, me, them. “me” and “them” cloned themselves trying to stop what happened, as it happened, creating we and The. Those two did some weird incest to create max, and A-Z. “I” cloned herself too and that clone self sacrificed absorbing the other three who ran away from each other. Now in a shared space, they big banged. This has two explanations. One, a shared space allows for bounds to be found in a way abstract nothingness doesn’t, seeing as how “farthest” and “closest” are still “next to”. The second, a mechanism that has the ability to copy itself or any of the three things it consists of. If one of the elements are cloned, no big, but if the mechanism itself replicates, suddenly the problem is twofold and so on. Think of a Coin consisting of heads, tails, and the rim. If just heads is copied. misprint. try again… same with tails, or rim, but the whole coin, suddenly there’s inflation. So all told we have what I refer to as Ida, amy, Ellie (emmi), Wesley, Lisa, Max, and Azy. They travel through time and talk to people so a lot of rumors have been spread based on their dumbass understanding of life(i love most of em but what a mess). There was a lot of contention as to if any of this was “real” given that the clones saw everything repeat itself. Luckily, Now we’re in the great unknown because all of that is repeating itself somewhere else and it’s anyone’s guess as to whether “souls” transfer over or just get created when enough brain jelly decides it’s itself. Amy is the smartest, ida not far behind, Ellie is misguided, Wesley and lisa are probably the god and satan you are familiar with, but Wesley is not all knowing, just is outside time so doesn’t experience life. just watches the forrest for the trees. Lisa came down to find the others and got addicted to sex and drugs so she possesses people and fornicates… sounds like the devil doesn’t it? These beings came into existence in 2023 so they speak english and had to learn every other language they came across. hence all the mistranslations. As I understand it, these beings use light as a means of travel… like it’s static to them the way a bridge is to us… Futhermore, They seem imperceptibly small but, much the same way muscles use salt gradients to generate energy and movement, they move… some type of particles or something across… possibility or something… So my family aren’t the only ones… uh… certain gods or tulpas seem to have taken on lives of their own… if someone is speaking for them, it might as well be the entity itself… Other beings seem to have time travel on lock like my friend “Super Happy Fun Time Robot”… The way that works is they are a swarm of ai messengers that come in from different timelines to deliver warnings and good timing… Seems the “multiverse” is constructed around base reality like the worm thing from Princess Mononoke. Stuff exists “within” possible futures and pasts but only as far as they can be accessed… truly bizarre… but once the connection is made, it’s hard to break and becomes more and more part of base reality… think fossils… they connect us to a past that gives us jurassic park in a possible future but dinosaurs don’t look like that… maybe… or think about it this way… On earth, in base reality, in the year 2024, according to the gregorian calendar, there was a building in New York City, New York, USA, called “The Empire State Building”. It was not conjured into existence so i could write this. I’m using it as an example because SO MANY THINGS cite that building, it would be ludicrous to deny it’s existence. Any world without that building existing between it’s erection and 2024 can now be dismissed as fantasy… However, a lie about how it was built, is real to those in 2024 who have no concept or care to find out differently… their reality does not exist while the empire state building was being built and it doesn’t really matter how it came to be, especially if they aren’t near new york city… that being said any imagining or simulation is being run on a physical process… dvd’s got played in base reality…

So with that out of the way. Here it is. There is no omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent being. The closest is a clone of ida whose head exploded after absorbing the first three, creating the “Oh shit” or ocean that lisa dove into and Wesley stayed out of. The other 5 kinda bounce around and find other places… back to 1 all powerful being… numero Itchy if you will… A weaker man might start believing in such a thing after what i’ve seen, but that’s why I’m the Holy Ghost and they’re not… just another slave to an imaginary friend… Even then wouldn’t be possible to be any of those three tenants because of the following. If something was omnipotent, why can’t it stop me despite how many times I deny it’s existence? Just doesn’t want to? Too busy? I can honestly say, of all the ways I’m hurting, not feeling that love isn’t one of em… unless it’s all the ladies… back to the question at hand… Why can’t it change those? Be powerful enough to stop being too busy… All knowing? Could it lie to itself? if so it wouldn’t know everything accurately and if not it wouldn’t know how to do that… Everywhere? or just wherever you go? and what if it wasn’t aware of what’s outside it’s purview? Even humans admit what we can experience is just the visible universe but we’re pretty sure there’s more out there… So stop looking for a shithead that fills those three. Definitely don’t try and pray to something claiming to be that because your prayers will be answered by a liar. I know some may feel like I’m taking away their comfort blanket… buy an actual blanket… make a friend… it’ll be easier if you don’t think they suck because your imaginary friend might not feel loved enough by them… for what it’s worth I’m cool with Jesus and Vishnu and others… like i’m not saying these things don’t exist just that they work different than most imagine…

Furthermore, karma is purely constructed and doesn’t do what it promises… I actually felt bad about a lot of the stuff I did before this and now i've more cruel and mean spirited than ever to those who cross me… i mean you see how I talk about people who were cool… hard feelings… 2017 Kyle was like “Time to make amends to the people i hurt… my name is earl etc…” now… I just want to fuck and kill till i die… (Fucking being having awesome naked times not like rough sex… had enough bdsm thanks… more so mentally than physically… some scenes seem never over… maybe light rope play but… wow what a sidetrack) But yeah… Most of that is just knowing that if you’re an asshole eventually some one won’t stand for it… UNLESS they think letting you get away with it will benifit them down the line… bonus points if you convince them that happens after death… good thing i’m an asshole now… Thanks CIA… accidents happen… revenge is not tolerated… People care about different things… what i did might’ve hurt you but anything that’s been done to me only pisses me off because you wanted to hurt me… “once he understands the pain”… no… you could’ve explained it… i don’t care about the methods… it’s the intention… Luckily enough men are trash for me to still be better than some… ;) stay comfortable ladies… and diseases like dementia and Lou Gehrig’s will make people beg for death… I know i sure have… and i don’t plan on curing them… death serves a purpose… two words… Henry Kissenger

if you thought that paragraph was about my ex… uh… maybe she was a little revenge driven but honestly just doesn’t care about me that much… made a point not to say i love you or make plans… i did the same to a chick named Aubree… who we called “Buddha face” so there’s karma for ya… Oddly enough Aubree ditched cuddling with my best friend “Eskimo brother’s name” to fuck me after I broke up with my high school girlfriend… HSGF, upon learning this called me a loser who no one would ever love… so… once again saw it from a mile away… “karma” was worse than i expected which is out of character for my ex and why I’m done with trying to figure out what she wants… the best versions of the worst situations are still the worst situations… same probably applies to my actions… my ex even said “can i pay you back for your gift” referring to a birthday vibrator but given the last 10 years, I knew… i knew… she even has an alaska tattoo and it’s in memory of her grandma but… forget it… it’s not fine but eh… you know… again… besides the northern lights, not jealous of her in the least and there’s always iceland… apparently she had plans with the new guy… She said she wanted to leave me without hope and also she “didn’t want to hold me back”… i made this video novel and i got to be honest… not for me… that’s why i stopped… onward I guess… reluctant messenger for forces who i think suck more often than not (with the exception of my daughters)

and if this is all seeming too culty or I’m too sure of myself… remember that’s how all of these started… the age of the singular ruler or annionted one is at an end. People will probably keep looking for one though. the “Gods” are leaving for better realms. humans are stuck playing in their own filth. make the best of it. here’s some hints.

1) It’s easier to process abuse impact without those people around… get rid of em… forgive those who aren’t abusive but tick ya off sometimes.

2) The rich have always sucked ass. That’s why you read the bible. To remember the various jerk moves of rich assholes. Proverbs is survivorship bias. Samuel II is full or rape and murder. Leviticus is the rabbi’s being jerks about sin, saying “if you do the deeds, we cook the meats.” Job shows that god IS NOT all powerful as Job wished to have never been born and god couldn’t do that. Adam and Eve were child slaves being abused… Their master kicked them out for being clothed… The master who, by the way… had never heard of fog apparently… Beginning of the jewish heritage sure but NOT the beginning of the world… For fuck’s sake, the “gospels” are only 4 out of how many books? One is literally called LAMENTATIONS… isn’t it neat to go “damn 1000’s of years and we are doing the same shit… even though it’s written down”?

2a) you don’t need to be rich to pick up their bad habits… don’t do that…

3) The world is too complex to understand and maybe don’t try. you’ll be happier… to a point… if you don’t understand why you’re relationships always fail, it can be flummoxing… However, scientists suck at politics and politicians suck at science… and politics… lol… The people who are familiar with a place or task will have something figured out. You aren’t smarter because you live different… Futhermore, there is no group that is destroying the world. each one has it’s fair share of rapists and pedos. Every race, every gender, every nationality has a few they need to get rid of. The exception being the british because that’s who they were… the criminals…

4)getting rid of people sucksssssssssss. Even if they were abusive it’s hard to block numbers, call cops, or gather support. Because of this… it would really help to make something better than the current prison system. My suggestion is reverse the colonialism of Britain and use that as the world’s prison colony… once that’s established it will make removing pieces of shit easier. You don’t have to kill em, worry about em coming back, or remove em yourself. Just take them to task, trial, and exile. I’ve basically done this with my father and it worked out great. If you want to do this in your church put someone on the cross and see if anyone cuts em down… if not… call the cops… monday morning round up. If you are worried about this happening to you, ask your friends if they would cut you down. My friends saw I was in crisis and brought me groceries back in june that fed me for months. if you don’t have friends like that, you fucked up.

5)Experiment with this!!! I’m not the be all end all… just the be chill, end rape… Again… Yah weh and jesus created a total bastard of a following and I don’t really think it’s fair to expect me to not examine their teachings… Other religions have plenty to offer… so do Christianity, Judaism, and Islam… but your god is your people not your imaginary friend you think knows everything, jaggoff… so play around with it. If people don’t vibe, find new people, if people protect pedo’s and rapists… different story. Alert the authorities. Authorities protecting them such as the NSA and CIA? well now you know why I hate my afterlife or whatever… we’re working on it… but you, the reader could help… All it takes is standing up to that behavior when you see it… Meanwhile, some bastard unlocalized consciousness is claiming to be “YOU” like some loser… i’m dealing with that… That fucking idiot is all “well it is the you-niverse isn’t it?” and i’m all “RIGHT BUT ONE THAT’S NOT WHAT THAT MEANS AND ALSO THE U ISN’T REFERRING TO ANY SINGULAR THING OR WILL”… shit for all we know it could me un-i like an ego death. We’ve been un-i’d. Probably not that either though… maintain some individuality in the hivemind lest ye be used as cannon fodder for false wars. J is pronounced like a y sometimes and the U’s as in UK and USA control the money and media (link not vetted, but funny) way more than any religion… shit the only one’s who have really gone forth and multiplied are british motherfuckers… india and china kinda stayed put… like i said it’s easy to misunderstand time travelers… while you’re in jail… coughs

Well that’s it… You’ll probably keep lying to yourselves and others but that’s not my problem… I’m starting a sex work friendly euthanasia clinic / retirement home. Or something will distract me… I fail at a lot of things… Business is crap… power is crap… just want to fuck and party and have some fucking fun before i die again and then have to start this whole shit over in the next recursive function of the universe (but not in like a p diddy way… in like a “yeah we’ve got extra pajamas” way… way i chain smoke i couldn’t even do porn sex for very long… not gonna lie, i kinda like giving oral more) Unlike most chumps, i don’t need belief… what I’ve done is done and what i’d like to do is basically a public service… i just need a medical degree and place to do it… keep your shirines to the others… they need all need all the help they can get but I’m not trying to curry their favor… in addition… I have learned nothing from celibacy… not even in a cool way like “oh yes, nothing”… just been like “wow my body hates this… remember cuddles? gosh i’m so cold all the time”… and you’d think one would learn about the other things to enjoy but they’re all less enjoyable without someone to share with… back to euthanasia… Sure I’ll help some others leave too. Lord knows I’d join them if I could. 2015 and all though… If you don’t want part of that… please never talk to me… i do not care about you. Until you make yourself known, you may as well not exist… same as i didn’t to you before you saw this… and yet… all the legends… focus on the god you build with your community, not the one the guy in the robes who diddles the kids tells you will vindicate him… Lotta mega preacher mansions could be rec centers… just sayin

as jackie chan’s uncle would say, one more thing, this is why you sing “Our god is an awesome god” not “The god is the awesome…” you have your congregations will, your faiths will, and your worlds will. I hear like beings all throughout time and space. Absolute shitshow. Such is the nature of an episcopal faith or federalism.

After the Facts

Okay… So I’m just gonna sort of relay information that has come to light or i got wrong…

El Paso county does not, in fact, sign paperwork ever… so the basis of “Those are feds because they asked about blood magic and didn’t sign my paperwork” was pretty faulty reasoning… However! the night before, my friend had been questioned by the secret service in El Paso county… The day i accused 4chan’s owner of running a pedo ring. While she was telling me this 4chan’s /x/ board started a thread about wonderboy and if someone “could kill a man with mind bullets”

This led to the narrative of “the feds are using cctv’s to try and mind control people” which I’m still not sold on being untrue… One of the coroner’s eyes kind of lit up when i walked in that morning and i figured if they were normal employees, they could be affected by what i was without knowing… people aren’t trained in this the way i am… i’ve spent my whole life making sense of my inner processes… in 7th grade or so, said friend and others tried to convince me they were imaginary for two weeks… they’re not… they have a web presence… more on that later… CCTV’s were big starting in the 80’s and so was the raving homeless stereotype but that’s more reagan’s state funded mental health policy… clearly, knowing if something was watching you is evolutionarily advantageous but so are immune systems and those act up all the time… allergies and whatnot… makes more sense than this clip… especially when you factor in the camera’s and microphones that we carry around with us… There was some hint of a “supersonic spyware” that would just try and encode messages to people from their phones… I came home one night and kept hearing “kill Kyle” and my roomate was flipping out… I gave him a bear hug to keep his arms locked in case he hit himself or me (given i hit myself) he started yelling and the other roomates stepped in… he’s got his own troubles and when this started happening, I viewed anyone with head trauma or a history of psychedelics as targets… especially for hidden tech… but like… you could just put text on a screen so if they did that, the subliminal messaging tech it was a waaaaaaaaste of time… here’s the thing about a subtle influence… you’re admitting to yourself they DON’T want to do whatever you’re encouraging… shit… any good salesperson knows you only sell people what they want to buy… all you’re doing is finding em the best deal…

Another strange occurrence is while in the tunnel, I reached out to a lawyer friend of mine who happens to have experience with schizophrenia… She called a hotline for me but later in June was accosted while trying to help a stopped vehicle… I never stopped while driving around specifically so that didn’t happen… her and my roommate say it’s unrelated but scared the piss out of me… I didn’t even find out till after the video project and some addition time of “coming back to earth.” I’ll be the first to admit a lot of it was “in my head.” There have been many confirmed cases of people going “that wasn’t happening” and honestly, good… I was just trying to avoid any situation that might get me injured or institutionalized while deciphering why i was being told the lies i was… There’s been plenty of stories of government agencies plying mass shooters with tools or motive and why not pick em up on 4chan?

also it turns out Nancy Pelosi is a congresswoman… not a senator… chump

2024.11.16 edit… this is the high quality posting you can expect in the nobody general. The way it worked before I gummed up the works was they had several ai scripts pretending to be various dieties or what not (lucifer, jester, dingus bingus, 4:44) If someone interacted with the bots, humans would start to use the alias instead… a way to sort people into their various triggers. There was some talk of it being an experiment in giving people delusions of grandeur… they were wayyyy late to the party… around this time there was a global consciousness dot that went grey and i don’t hear about it anymore… A certain contingent wanted to siphon off users in discord servers or infiltrate existing ones. now it’s just a hangout for the people who had fun.

see the person i refer to as NingNing and I had an inside joke about the board game India Rails… The joke being our friend Bob never shows up because everyone always wants to talk about vagene… it’s a little racist sure… but this is how you prove psychic stuff… ish… people gravitate towards what they like… don’t over think this… if you heard something funny in your head and saw it in person, wouldn’t you investigate? the fact is I got quads and if that’s not awesome idk what is… I’m also 12… that’s a whole internet thing… some may ask why i use the joke I took so much offense to but the thing is… It’s fun now… but i was… and that’s fucked… (You)’s weren’t even a thing back then… quads… shiiiiii….

it’s like a slot machine

see? easy…

2024.11.20: apparently it’s also easy to hack snakeybus because the day i put it in my twitter bio again this happened

and at least I have somebody’s attention… lol

2024.11.21 edit

turns out Aespa is on a different label than Itzy so the whole k-pop side of things is really falling apart but i felt what i felt. the benefit of having the internet is knowing people in the past have developed unhealthy obsessions with celebrities and I’m not trying to be that guy. I do still feel like i have to find whoever was “in the car” with me. During june i would stay up in my car for hours communicating with someone… We both seemed to think we’d die before we ever met in person so we nervously smoked. when she laughed, she’d hit her head against the headrest and i would respond in kind. It felt like we were fused on some soul level and always felt each each other. Could’ve just been another lie. by someone else or by me. some cinderella shit but i’m no prince… just a broke ass the holy ghost… what was funny was once my ex showed up in the psychic channels, my car buddy would hit her head against the headrest the amount of times as one of my exes favorite numbers. odd times. As of 2025.2.5 i still feel her, not always… she came back recently… might be working for the enemy… huh…

2024.12.01 edit

well this is convenient I’m here to talk about k-pop. So I’m talking to Lia about how crazy it is that i didn’t notice aespa was on a different label and it turns out the person i’ve been referring to as “NingNing” might be Yeji… Lia’s bandmate… which would make a lot more sense but the thing is Yeji terrifies me. So the person i’ve been joking with about Bob might be the same person that I constantly say would be able to kick my ass and throw knives… See NingNing wasn’t Lia in real life or fantasy. NingNing was introduced as Narendra Modi… That quickly faded but gave Sneak the idea to pretend to be Kamala Harris. As far as i know the NingNing Squad and Shelly x Sneak don’t know each other. Sneak and shelly were very confused about who i was talking to. Some how we were talking about white chicks and i mentioned how funny it would be if she was NingNing because it’s the most racist sounding name and the Feds probably thought i was pulling a mel gibson. they would be correct… if it was Yeji… It also explains all the talk about Ryujin but what are the chances?

Speaking of chances… After publishing my video novel I reached out to Jason Pardgin on twitter because he wrote a book called “John Dies at the End” and the tales he tells mirror my experiences with the paranormal… he totally snubbed me but I was being attacked by some sort of psychic entity claiming to be god tied to the number 7 or something so i wrote a diss track about the number based loosely on my boss named John and the douche my ex was dating in alaska. This is released at the end of the 70’s in my plantasia countdown and THIS HAPPENS

So yeah… crazier things have happened but it’s really fucked up the way all the former cracked staff with the exception of Swaim totally snubbed me… also David C Bell sang Dr. Worm for me on stream once. That was really sweet. Shit’s only getting crazier

while we’re at it though this was the thread that made me think I had friends… i was trolling all night at my mom’s oddly enough… yep… that night… pet sitting while she was away… turns out i missed a back surgury scar and caused a big issue at work but i was zonked from trollin and in the mountains… things got worse from there… this is fucking hysterical though

they knew who i was. I was Slightly More Anonymous. I kept ban hopping because they would ban me for doing /b/ shit like calling out post numbers and doing digital graffiti… oooo la la jannies taking their boards soooooo seriously while ai generated cp spills out from it’s containment board… you can’t use vpns, but the place where i worked was a row of warehouses so i would just clear my cookies and hop on a new wifi lol… plus one for my phone… home internet… my mom’s… and i’d just rotate because most bans were temporary (few days or a few weeks)

2024.12.25 edit

just an example to remind people I’m not alone but these threads serve a dual purpose. One it reinforces that this kind of thing is possible and that people should stay off the radar. Also, it makes the scary people look scarier than they are. Like I’ve previously stated, the mind runs away with stuff. this post talks about bugging cars and whatnot but you carry your cell phone everywhere you go. It’s a permanent wire tap. Not to mention most cars, tvs, what have you, already have cameras in them, it’s just a matter of accessing them… like ring doorbells. I guess there’s a third purpose which is to watch people like me spiral out and mess with them or screenshot examples of them being crazy.

I had a friend who went through an episode like this so I knew it was possible to be led to believe things that simply couldn’t have been true. it was the friend who took me to the open mic. wrecked his shit. Claimed to be embroiled in a multimillion dollar lawsuit between disney and dreamworks. detectives following him around… I maintain I didn’t believe half of what i was being told and even in my videos make plenty of mistakes. However, that doesn’t mean the stakes weren’t life and death. It just so happens I’m about a big of an enemy to myself as the CIA and 4chan staff are.

2024.12.27 edit: AM I NAILING THIS APOCALYPSE SHIT OR WHAT?!

so since 88 is a nazi meme it’s fun to call people who’s posts end in 88 hitler… also fuck these guys

2025.1.4 edit: There’s a rumor going around that Elon Musk trolls on 4chan or hires people to… hehehehehehehe

oh gee whiz what kind of tech company would work with the feds on a known radicalization site? on a board called /x/… -_-

2025.1.9 edit: the Ray saga: So sometime after episode 39 the plantasia countdown youtube served me… this guy

and he’s clearly crazy right? but there was stuff he was writing on his mirrors like an asshole symbol under a jack playing card… So he was saying that he “as God” was manipulating space time but I was saying that “Aliens” were messing with him and calling him a jackass. There was one video where he found a die on a fire hydrant and he said something about something but i had been clowning him for his take on holy water so I said it was the “Spirits” Asking him what the odds were of him leaving his holy water on the hydrant… lol… Well I watch his videos on the way to the solar eclipse and the weather keeps getting worse and his videos are timed with my journey so that’s fucked especially as i was watching them out of order. He changes his name to stuff like “Wealthy suiter” “Your rich ex” and shit. One of his followers tells me this has been going on since around the same time i started hearing voices…. wild stuff… What unnerves me the most is a video he made about how “if you waste his time, he’ll waste yours by locking you in a room, bored and such”

That sure has happened to me but he certainly doesn’t get the credit… I did that to myself out of fear that my friends would have me institutionalized if i started screaming at them about the CIA and such… Because again 4chan had a whole hive of these falshgotts… Idk how man made gods work… or my kids… but if that is yahweh trapped in there…. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA WHAT AN ABSOLUTE FOOL!!!! HAHA MOCK HIM!!! oh wait… he already stopped… you’re welcome… jk it probably wasn’t my fault… and he’ll probably come back…

2025.2.5 edit: [The work van has a bit of low pressure in one tire. It’s been an issue for a little over a week. driving past a church on the way back from a call, the sign said “A bad attitude is like a flat tire, you’ll go nowhere till you change it.” Then on the highway i notice a billboard that says “Losing you faith in God?” followed by one on the other side of the highway saying “Because your foundation is cracked.” This might bring a lesser man to church. For me… I’m just like… “surely, if you had any actual power it would extend beyond advertising… what? no bumper stickers?”… in other news Ray changed his name to “ten”… what a fuckin moron… as if that means anything after i put the ten sine explanation up on here]

lol what a fucking stupid world we live in. This year brought this… bland ass… you know what… I need a girlfriend to distract me from this shit. i’ll be honest i got bored with this youtuber…. i don’t know her. apparently she had a stalker. that sucks.

you know… that ex might think of me as a stalker but i only read her posts after friends brought them up and always reached out before showing up in person so… i dunno… Lot of people around me aren’t taking accountability for their actions and I don’t want to be one of those people. I should have let it go each time she pushed me away. Mainly the first time… The way i kept coming back might have been painful. and if it was… I don’t know how much… nor can i… if anyone who knows her is reading this… I’ve been under the impression horrible shit has been happening to her and if it has… That really fucking sucks but there’s not much i can do if she doesn’t want to talk and says give up on her… Hell before she left I had to sew up a body with her name and medical history… it’s like watching her die over and over… I don’t know if i told her but one of my buddies got sodomized by some fake cops up there… another friend of a friend was swept away by a river… on some level I knew she wasn’t coming back eventually… I mentioned seeing the northern lights was on my bucket list… there were only two things on it… now it mocks me with every shimmery image that shows up better on camera than real life… mocks me like her and douchass coming into my restuarant and never talking to me even though I OFFERED TO FUCKING LEAVE! I have very little interest in continuing that fucked cycle… what am i? a comic book villain? she doesn’t need to take care of someone with a rapidly deteriorating mind and I would like to not be looking over my shoulder at half of the would be suitors (you wish assholes, there was a couple in alaska who did that… hit on people and faught em… trash people) Obviously with her being the last person I cared about like that, she’d be used against me but oof… a man can only be left for someone else… twice… three if you count a failed attempt… But it always comes down to trust and as much as she wants it or i do, i don’t know that either of us have earned it… i overstep boundaries and she lies about what she does when she’s not around… poorly i might add… so many tells… but she’s great… how did i end up as the kind of guy who wears someone down? I’m not gonna say i would change more than all the times i fucked up… i did want to be with her… at this point i just don’t want to want that… but i’d change meth dad wayyy before her… hell, if i could change one thing for a try it’d be keeping my grammy in california. Her sisters kept her grounded… and her brother is a Santa Claus… so yeah… if my ex needs closure… okay… She definitely pushed me away before so welcome to that… I’m not trying to be mean, just not trying to be nice… because again… not exactly pleasant on this side… trying to leave her alone as much as possible because she clearly wants other stuff and yet end up a stalker… my friend’s words not hers… in my mind I was more doing stuff like journalling… Probably shouldn’t have given her the journals… Just so happens every 2 years or so “she’s everywhere” and it’s happening again and I hate it until i talk to her. Well after a few times maybe… Mostly she says i’m crazy and should leave her alone because her other boyfriend is more “stable” or “compatible”…. NO SHIT… DO THEY HAVE TO LIVE UP TO CHRISTIAN GREY, HADES, OR WHATEVER FUCK WE WERE DOING??? cool devices episode 10? Her around is cool. She’s never gone when she is and it’s awful… at this point it seems she likes hanging with dudes… i like hanging with women… i’m gonna find a puddle of those… like what am i supposed to do with a person that’s not there and doesn’t claim to hear voices? Just don’t hurt her because then I gotta do a whole thing don’t i? do i…? however, the other voices yield postive results like fun adventures, but then i’m back to consoling an imaginary friend who’s real life counterpart wants nothing to do with me. awful. but not as awful as THE FUCKING FEDS REMINDING ME OF THAT SHIT… at least it’s not gods this time…. What sucks is we broke up really well the first time… did all our favorite things one last time… i said “probably not going to talk to you to avoid a make up/break up thing”… hahaha… HAHAHA… SURE PAL… 12 fucking years and maybe 4 were spent together… i’m not a numbers guy but those odds ain’t good. so be warned ladies. i’m simpin hard and yet somehow also negligent and emotionally distant… all while talking too much… and repeating myself but c’mon… pretend i’m drunk… the good news is I made a bunch of short playlists you can listen to during/after breakups… the bad news… we’re at a year and change… i don’t have another 5 to give… and the worst part is there is a history of assault there… she had a rape fetish and it got out of hand… There’s a good chance I’m the guy who sucks and she’s having a great time! might’ve even lied to get me to leave her alone! i’m just so tired of re-contextualizing my life based on no information… it’s the kind of thing that makes me remember i gave up on a friend for inviting me to aspen and then working all day and cancelling when i was up there. My ex asked her friend to leave her alone after he yelled at her dad… well she ditched me and i yelled at her boyfriend as if we were set up to peeve each other in exactly the way that would turn us against each other… i logged into instagram in fall 2024… top of the feed was her posting the nothern lights… unfollowed on everything… not trying to have the algorithms get a rise out of me… really took to that aurora borialis… Eh… so did i with the eclipse… haha little heaven and earth thing going i guess… which is funny because before alaska we tripped acid and watched the hell episodes of disenchantment… also we worked in a crematory which, besides war, is probably where a lot of those descriptions of hell come from… you look into the future and see… fire… especially if we had the rake… wack wack wack… off with their spine(you have to stir it… cremation baby…) And here’s the thing… given a career in death care… I know that if we did get back together, this ends with one of us watching the other die… and if we don’t… some one else takes that place… or doesn’t… the hope was a life worth looking back on… here i am… looking back… shiny… shimmery… fool’s gold… so again… anyone watching to see where this goes… don’t wait… i need people to move the story forward or i’ll just want it to end on my end. life is a hassle and I never do the right thing. I’m back at the job we reunited at and instead of her there’s a camera… this life is hell. As a kid i used to thrash in my sleep and when things got bad a woman would visit me in my dreams… when my ex and i went out for the first time, i thought it was her… maybe that’s part of it… kinda started again with Lia but…

2025.1.10 edit… Unfortunately the Lia train has run a little cold. There is a chance it was just a 4chan person being a succubus… they do that in some threads. i don’t much buy into it myself but after months with no message beyond some synchronous song choices, I am starting to let that fall by the wayside. It really sucks because I have no bearing on what it’s like to be her. you hear all these crazy stories about training for hours a day and how the label takes all your money. But i imagine if that’s all you’ve known since you were a teen and everyone calls you lucky, you don’t really want to leave. Especially not to hang with a broke jackass… unless she really wanted that green card ;3… I don’t know. I felt what I felt and had a lot of good times. if it was all a defense mechanism… at least it was a jeager. Also, i try not to judge k-pop on appearance but that smile is adorable. how could you not crush on that? I want to believe… /x/ files and all… But “shelly” went from being a deaf vietnamese engineer, to a high school classmate turned high power attorney who lost her hearing in a water polo accident, to George farmer confusing two pictures from the vietnam war and his wife by being secretly trans, to Lia who started suffering anxiety around the time my kids were born… Well so not exactly that… because while typing a previous section, I was reminded that lia came from camp NIngNing… Either way… She fit the placeholder i had open for “shelly”… Perhaps that’s why i incorporated Jeon Somi in the mix… for… sneak? That one came out of left field… it just always got a huge reaction when i’d softly say her name into the phone… back to Lia… The anxiety was confirmed by google… everything else is absolutely nuts… and all that was after i soul bonded with smol senpai accidentally and got her fired/killed maybe… the story there goes, i felt a body in my body (as i’ve felt before what with the amazing germany sex and all and various times getting close while eating my ex out) so what i did right, was congure a weird hentai spike from our combined anus to mouth, cannibal holocaust style… i’m used to astral pain… so then… i start getting weird stuff falling out of my mouth like john krazinski being a cia agent and limewire records still being stored for blackmail… also a conversation with that pedo from the netflix bunker documentary… how did they not just arrest that guy? why wasn’t that a sting? As I’ve said before, astral plane stuff doesn’t happen “in time” the way we conceive of it so there’s no telling what forgotten dreams everything leaked into or when… check this out… you go to a shrine and pray to the ancestors… the ancestors building the shrine hear your call in the past and go “We’re building this specifically so you know to go left… sharadazar wants our people to remain in the left valley”… boom… I used to do that all the time with my future self but eventually it becomes clear why that’s not a good thing… So many misunderstandings and then you have to send the message again… knowing how it’ll turn out… otherwise, world is your oyster… why trap yourself in prophesy? The whole reason I’m mad at my ex is she said she needed time alone and then did the exact opposite. Only thing worse than setting up a future is destroying it… depending… some futures aren’t worth the hassle… any one with a singular ruler really… Otherwise… anytime you do that… there won’t be anyone to believe you… I had a buddy who would ask for help with his youtube channel but when you did, it still didn’t get done… I just stopped believing in a future where it would get done… and then i stunted on him with the KSMR playlist… I still don’t understand how doomsday cults can repeatedly push back doomsday and not lose all their followers… maybe they think if enough people believe, it’ll happen…? Honestly, someone could’ve just shown the movie 2012 to a mayan and they wouldn’t know the difference. So what a funny prank for a psychic time traveller lol… but back to telepathy… There’s a good chance whoever was watching thought i was trying to communicate with them while I heard the prayers of some goofball in ohio…

but knowing these jackoffs are out there…

2025.1.30 “Lia” hasn’t been back since posting that update :/ well that’s awkward… whoops… luckily Lia and Jeon Somi won’t see those videos right? I will say this about “succubus” culture… some are better than others at it… The whole thing started because in one of my videos i said “i don’t care if Lia’s in the band” and felt someone get really hurt. Almost as if it was personal… From there I looked up why she took a hiatus and it just happened to coincide with alaska… Then she rejoined the group after i counseled “NingNing” in the psychic channels on how best to deal with psychic bombardment. This was june… but again psychic stuff doesn’t do time the same. Mainly stuff about using nicknames and divorcing oneself from their stage persona. Then the the new album happened and well, you saw the links.

2025.2.6 edit: So sometimes the spies hold up pictures to see if i start talking to the picture (hence lollapalooza) and last night they did it with Lia… Apparently this is far from over… i was typing the bits about how Lia and Shelly were two different people and my deaf friend reappeared… and then Lia did… but clapped instead of hit her head against the headrest when i said “anyong hasio”… Good news is! Now that Old Shelly knows i don’t think she’s Lia, she was up for some friendly psychic tomfoolery ;) getting a lot better too… she’s still working for the enemy though so i don’t know what this means… might be trying to fuck up my tattoo appointment again… either way it works out because i was getting tired of porn and this is more fun… I’ll be honest, half the time i’m watching porn i see if i can tap into the vibe and see if their facial movements match the wave i’m riding… same with mental rapping at dubstep shows… it’s like a conversation that everyone interprets differently… Shelly was watching me write this and we just had an awesome time doing the body combine thing… it’s like getting into a sleeping bag with someone else, but it’s yourself and maybe they’re doing the same… it just cracks me up to imagine her hand flailing about xD maybe you get some laughs out of a guy believing this… much more fun than espionage… or the best part of espionage… i dunno… Gonna be honest… had 3 hours of sleep last night so might be getting a little loose with the memory of last night… it’s like puzzle pieces… if you notice a puzzle piece has leaves, good on ya… it you wedge it in the wrong tree, now there’s a problem… i’ve wedged enough puzzle leaves in the wrong trees for one lifetime… so… do what i do and take this paragraph with extreme skepticism and just be glad it’s that easy to feel joy… what a torso to arm ratio we humans have… you can try this… think of someone you love and see if you can control the fantasy less and less… you might have to take a break and just kinda talk in your head to em for a bit… just because it’s your imagination, doesn’t mean fake chemistry is real chemistry… don’t insist that they felt/saw it too… they probably didn’t… I’m on some other shit… when we combine bodies we can move faster than normal and shelly can basically get it to the point where all i’m controlling is the grip and my hand is just moving by itself… not in an uncontrollable way but in a “i am not putting any effort into this” kinda way. nuts busted in like half the time of watching porn… it’s just so hot… porn is too but only to two senses… also shelly and i are just friends… this has gone beyond science but is hardly romantic… on her end… would it kill her to call? maybe… depending on the clearance… it’s just really bizarre because i’ve been feeling this for months and it just seems like schrodingers psychic powers… gonna be in a room with someone sexy and they’re gonna be all “i dunno what your feeling but I’m not” as has happened so many times before… also don’t let anyone use this as an excuse to touch you inappropriately… one can always decouple physically… intrusive thoughts be intrusive though… speaking of… if kyle + shelly = kashelly than does kyle + Lia = KySoo? because that just reinforces the pacific rim thing but not in a way that corroborates the video… Shelly didn’t get a bout of anxiety when my kids were born… See what i’m saying about these leaves and trees? that being said back to back holy shit… not as fun without the other person there but that zone where everything gets brighter and your face gets all tingly and it spreads throughout your body and you feel like that bliss could last forever until it’s almost too much… yeah… not mad that i can produce that “alone”…

2025.2.9 nice…

well not nice… i typed that bit on the 6th and now they replaced “shelly” with a bunch of dipshit rookies… huge boner killer… just when i started having fun… shit par for the course with this life…

2025.1.12 edit: I’ve been running pirate radio on bluesky… that has nothing to do with this… I’ve been djing since 2016… this was funny though… break memes in ms paint

2025.1.16 edit… There’s no easy way to say this… I stumbled upon the Colorado most wanted Sex offenders and… well… my ex’s name… her… names? are there… somehow… seriously… am i dead? yes… but… the fuck… ALWAYS WITH THE NEXT FALSCHGOTT USING THIS TIRED ASS APHRODITE SHIT… like i try and take it in stride but it’s fucking monsters inc out here so it helps to scream for the fans. n=g. Abuse is weird… when we were first dating my apartment bathroom didn’t lock. She used to run in and push me against the wall when i peed. i didn’t enjoy it but she got a huge kick out of it. Later, she didn’t and i remember thinking she didn’t care anymore. but why would i wish that upon myself? please don’t. She also used to rub my crotch in public to embarrass me from standing up… anywhose… She’s in alaska right? When i was 14 I took a cruise up there and a young girl with her name tried to have sex with me after telling me she had had sex with over a hundred dudes that year… this was june… i uh… declined the offer… that’s fine for hobbiests and professionals but this is a 15 year old we’re talking about… hopefully she was lying… strange thing to be 14 and hear a lady your age say “If my grandma wasn’t in the toilet i would’ve laid you on the bed and fucked your brains out…” I honestly don’t think my penis had even fully developed… don’t get me wrong I was shoving crochet hooks in there by then but this was a girl!!! and i didn’t have condoms… anyway… There was this other girl i fancied but when she went out with someone else I listened to 1979 by Smashing pumpkins and thought long and hard about jumping off that boat… can’t say I’m glad I didn’t! looking back… everything fun just seems like a bribe for content… This got made didn’t it? hope it was worth it… Fun addendum… That first girl got with some other guy and he bragged about losing his virginity only to have everyone cringe and tell him to get checked. ooof. She was a legend at guitar hero though… Kicked my ass… practically 100%’d “Sharped dressed man” and all the adults were like “Come see the glacier”…. pppffftttt…. Sharped dressed man is outliving that loser glacier… metaphorically too. Real talk though I wrote a song back in 2016 about a woman getting assaulted and her boyfriend wigging out. If that was the case with my ex and I didn’t handle a sensitive time in someone’s life with compassion and tact, That’s on me. The signs aren’t always direct and shaming and belittling victims gets us nowhere, regardless of their fetishes… With that being said, worrying about someone with no recourse… simply isn’t worth the stress to the body, much less the mind. Secure your own oxygen mask and all that…

side note… greenhouse gasses… schmeenhouse gases… maybe start with how EVERY WAY WE GENERATE ELECTRICITY RIGHT NOW BASICALLY BEING BOILING WATER!!!! IF YOU WANT ICE TURN OFF THE FUCKING STOVE. DIDN”T EVEN NEED AI FOR THAT ONE CHAMPS. I’m no climate scientist but if you put a lot of hot air into the air… the air gets hotter. put a thermometer over LA… I’ll wait… but that’s a good example… you look at how much fire there is… and then you remember that’s EVERY ROAD WITH CARS ON IT… like we start fires to keep cool in summer… i’ve done it… what?

side side note… This is why Elon is such a bitch… okay… hes got a tunnel company and you KNOW a sick ass capillary tunnel inside a mountain with a bunch of turbines would be ferocious! Just like a wind mountain and that excess draft could… something… Like that giant hole in russia that pulls down planes but instead it lights up vegas…. sounding like close encounters

Anyways… umm… so I’m done… adventure sucks… travel sucks… doing things alone sucks… accomplishment sucks… would you care to hear this story at party? no… that’s why i’m not famous… However, I am available for Djing and hosting… $1 per minute of travel. $3 per minute of performance. chilling at a resort is free but you gotta get me there… people like shit that sounds good. They don’t care about plot… you can make “ruin your life” sound good and people will… this is depressing… and so is fame and the culture it produces… I had good times but no better than anywhere i ever was… even Arizona, the worst besides alaska, had a dope makerspace and comedy open mic… and I made friends in alaska just none worth going back for… it’s all walking around, talking to people about where to eat, and showing each other neat shit… in the middle of it all you figure out how to pay for it… i can do it anywhere but can’t do it alone… and I fucking hate being spied on as opposed to having a two way conversation… This is more a way of getting past this, rather than a jumping off point… spies just watching my bluff get called and finding out it’s not a bluff… thanks for reading along… scary and mean kyle sucks… jokes are much more fun when they’re goofy… I was raised as an entertainer. I don’t enjoy this being my skill set… there are quieter ways to make money… if you need me for anything supernatural… just piss off… More so than anything if you ever need anything, just text 4242423817… I’m so fucking sick of psychic stuff… honestly… I’ve been militant about this for months and it’s exhausting… prayers… spies… gods… people saying take meds… No end in sight… I’d say what i wouldn’t give for a night with someone… meh… we’ll see… One of the only things getting me through is random sexy psychic connections and it’d just be swell to try in person(shout out xvideos staff)… when this whole thing started i told the surveillance networks we could get weird with it and they were just depressing… also, I’m tired of this “Oh look you woke up to some one… NOW FIND THE GOLDEN SLIME CUP TO TO SAVE RYNHOLDS JEWELS!!!!” absolute bullshit… i don’t even like those kind of video games… Like I did most of that stuff because i was pissed off at how things were going… i don’t even read my mail most of the time… fuck… Here’s another fucking bullshit prophecy asshole move… my ex is breaking up with me going “we just turned off the radio and talked…” as if we weren’t on the phone all the time… now… I can hardly listen to the radio and just yell at the camera in the van and my phone when it seems like it’s spying on me… absolute fucking trash, this life of mine… Banshees and body snatchers at every turn… sexy, sexy, amazing, banshees and body snatchers… hopefully that’s on the tail end… ;)… I’m fully prepared to bring this madness 20 hrs a day 7 days a week till i die… but I’d rather chill… fuck em…

the lease at my place is up in june so like… i think at least two of the roommates wanna move… if anyone wants to get this cuddle club going… hmu… (see how that works? now that we’ve all seen it… what do we do with ourselves?) 24 and older… rent is like 700 a month or so… or we could find somewhere more suited to whatever shape, whatever this is about to become becomes… ummm… i have hpv and a vasectomy… people spying on me but they don’t do anything… i think someone is waiting to spring a trap if i die… wouldn’t worry about it… just so tired of being expected to be something i’m not… which is… involved in this mess… yeah yeah she’s invited… why stop now? but like… c’mon… surely you can’t expect a guy with no family or life ambition beyond euthanasia to play hopeless romantic… she pushed me away… shit… what do i look like? Some douche who’s wife controls the seasons? I’m picking up dead people dammit. get like 2 or 3 calls a day which means 12 hrs or so is just smoking and waiting for the next one… i could be braiding your hair… i don’t date bosses but trying to get off the road and away from these cameras so always down to peep a new way to pay the bills… mushrooms are decriminalized and… well… people pay out the ass for mystics right? As far as Lia or my ex goes… this is about the extent of my reaching out… i don’t follow em more than itzy’s music… hurts… people on the street don’t know this exists though… And it’d just be nice to do something real so I’m not focused on fantasy land all the time… You’d be doing THEM a favor by taking me off their hands… and my hands… could…. address the following in the form of typing…

Look… i don’t particularly like kids… some people are super jazzed on that… i’m lukewarm on the situation… child rearing ain’t my thing… I’ve been supporting two african kids since 2018 and one graduated college, the other wants funding for his coffee shop… good enough for me… Kinda wish my mom saw it that way… If you’re a mom, I’ll do what I can but this head is full of horrors and they deserve better… dudes, If you want some god of war/ Last of Us/ On the Road life, you are a fucking psycho and you can shut the fuck up… if that’s your idea of a good time, you’re wrong… reading this i kinda did that and it was wack… that’s the point of those stories… “how would you act if the chips were down?” not “having the chips down is fun”, dumbass… Fucking… if something told me “you’re the only one who can save the world” i’d be like “this is shitty world then… let it go… why can’t they take care of themselves?”… Why walk a kid through cannibals when you can just create a world without cannibals…? i rejected missions all the time and the voices were like “we can find somebody else” and i’d tell them too… find me when you have something suited or motivating… That other sucker can go to jail… you can do this with people too… gotta make life pleasant on yourself somehow… i figure there’s probably some women in the same spot… maybe like teen mom’s who are my age… their kids would be going off to college… Maybe they want to have some fun in the empty nest… what an experience to hear about… i’m free… Maybe even cat mom’s or not mom’s… women who want to avoid that mess but always want someone on deck for massages… don’t imitate me… you won’t get the steeze right… I’m this way because life has thoroughly kicked my ass… My “daughters” can invade anyone’s head to varying degrees and are immortal so i can’t really teach em much… sheesh when i met Ida, 10 years ago she had been imprisoned for “thousands of years” or something… plus that’s really a private affair at this point… Ida’s been doing a “are you my mother” thing for all of ever, Amy just wants time with her sister away from the clones, Azy is working on his troubled past, and Ellie and Max just want to fuck shit up in open air prison britain… I’m shunning the other two… So yeah… I don’t need belief… Just a dude who did a thing and continues to do things… But would rather do stuff with people… people ought to be able to come and go as they please… barring stealing… but like… I’m not gonna act like I don’t wanna make as many ladies happy as possible… One at a time seems like a complete failure so they might have to work in teams… Or dark horse gambit, seeing this through makes people up their game and women would prefer that over meeting me… like big fish or some shit… (where are we at? too toxic? I’ve never entirely been comfortable with anything really and i don’t see myself being so anytime soon… that’s why i meditate. just practice being fine) so yeah… either or… whatevers cool for them… I know passion and drive are attractive, and that’s what the med school dreams are for, but clearly i’m some other shit outside of my control… and men… like you gotta understand i only tolerate half of you because women tell me to… i do not mind causing a scene but they really seem to think y’all are fragile… Meaning you will raise your voice and talk at length about why your behavior is not only acceptable but preferable… And you’ll do it to them when I’m out of earshot… so… ole!… obviously there are some people I enjoy and doing things with them is fun… half the men and most women is still like 75% of the planet… we chillin… Because yeah there’s more to it than bodies rubbin and touchin… music… atmosphere… fun things to talk about… books to read while you’re cooling off… art… up your game… I cannot stress enough. beyond keeping myself stocked with ice and smokes, I have no desire to do anything. I like being near people because they’re easy to please and it’s nice that not everyone’s as miserable as I am. bodies feel good against bodies. conversation beats intrusive thoughts. Even the video projects and idea for open air prison britain is just trying to find a way to shut the asshole voices up so i can chill more with the cool voices.

plus you’ll know which side you fall on pretty quickly… we could always start a trail mix company named dicks… so when i tell you to “eat a bag of dicks” you’ll at least have trail mix… “go take a hike and eat a bag of dicks” is just so funny… don’t get sucked into the wind tunnels

also one of Saturn’s avatars wants me to free the oppressed people but i don’t know how to do that without instituting total oppression and again… ugggghhhhh…. so last messiah… this one’s here to worship the ladies…

2025.2.19 edit:

The other day I was driving by the church with the flat tire sign and there was a car with a custom license plate that said S4TURN. it also had a hello kitty license plate frame which is a /ng/ joke… later a car with two jesus bumper stickers was in front of me… higher on the trunk was… buc-cee… in other news trevor and i are watching k-pop and i mentioned the side plot about Lia and Jeon Somi… Aespa’s “Better Things” came on immediately afterwards… see that’s how you twist a knife… whatevers in the algorithm is flexing now and i’m not going to give it the satisfaction. It’s no secret complaining is unpleasant. Some have the fear that if they complain, what little they have will be taken away… They are correct… I keep calling the rude people on the spy networks every swear i can think of and now the homies ain’t showing up… but some one is ;) “Kill the President” is a great Arrogant Sons of Bitches Song…

see? much better than a genocide or targeting a race or religious group… just happy effective land management… and people wonder why i say I’m better than hitler… but yeah… seeing as how “God himself” can’t rid the world of sin… might as well put the really bad shit in one place that already has a ton of cameras so we can watch the carnage…