HOW BOUT A LITTLE BIT OF THIS?!

THE COLD HARD REALITY OF MORTALITY

hhhhhhhhuuuuuuuuuu….. So like… I guess I gotta be holy and ghosty and usher in paradise and all that… Well I can!!! for like… a bit… not forever… That’s on you… I’ve met Jesus several times in several people so maybe they do have that eternal life thing figured out… From what I understand it’s not everything it’s cracked up to be… People love saying they saw ya but really don’t like spreading the message… One time I met them and we just hung out in my car. Nobody else around and they just kinda talked about stuff… No real message or anything but worth clearing the seat.

For those of us who have accepted a life of pushing yourself out of bed every morning till you don’t and just accepting whatever comes next, There’s the movie leaving las vegas. What better way to leave Las Vegas than by a train? Certainly beats having to drive or wait in a tunnel… Plus you can hang with everyone else as you all come on down to see the holy ghost and the crazy crap those are up to in the desert. The desert of Laughlin, Nevada! C’mon that’s not that much track. Bezos you know you wanna show Elon up on this one, just like space… Family beats a car Elon… And I would like you to join my family, dear reader! Or at the very least, harvest your bones to line the walls of what I like to call “The Bone Zone”. Believe me, I take no pleasure in your depression… but we all gotta go sometime! Why not now? Barring that, Why not build the place where lonely freaks and awesome folks would like to spend their final moments?

So Basically the idea is a 500-2000 room hotel/casino in lovely Laughlin, Nevada. A river runs through it after all. Perfect place to watch the sunset as you peacefully bleed out once one of our resident sex workers/phlebotomists taps the artery in your leg and gives you one last caress… Once again this is accessible by train from Las Vegas… So if you lose all your money and plan on leaving Las Vegas, don’t pollute their hotels with your desperation. Donate your car and come plan the perfect permanent getaway! We can fund this by parcelling out body parts to science labs. I’ve worked at a place doing that already. It’s important medical research. So by choosing us for your end of life care, you’ll be helping the loved live longer! You’ll be positively contributing to society. In More ways than one! The hardest part of death care is transportation, You’ll already be in your final resting place. Maybe have a living funeral before you come to let your loved ones let you go. Plus, If you’re young(<65), hip, and down to party we’ll probably try and talk you out of it. Trust me… One walk through the bone zone and you’ll want to make sure it’s a while before you come back. And you will because we will offer any method. YES!!! Any method, within reason, and good humor. Someone has to want to do it and being mean to get it will result in banishment or me convincing you to take the blood drip/dualing you. I fight dirty. By the rules, but dirty. So we’ll have to lobby Nevada for this exemption… C’mon CPAC, you know this will affect dems more.

Now that you’ve become comfortable with the concept, let’s talk amendities. Casino, Check. Spa, check. Underground atrium where we garden and grow lush veggies, if that’s possible I want to. Underground greenhouse for life! Whoops caught you inflecting. Golf thing… can it be virtual? if not okay… it’s the desert though. don’t expect grass up top… Also! this next one is just fun! A paintball arena but instead of paintballs it’s fireworks. go karts, kinda noisey don’t ya think? but golf karts??? (in the firework arena… wait those are noisey too) But think about it. That means if the fireworks arena is west of the hotel than everyone shuffling of this mortal coil that day could go out to a wonderful sunset, fireworks, and one of the hottest people on earth holding them. What more could you ask for? If you say a drug friendly Lazy river than hell yeah!!! honestly, who cares if you drown? He had a wristband it’s cool. get him out of there though. Did somebody say comedy club? I’m gonna ruin the segway to get in a “Lord of Roasts” bit. Anyway did someone say comedy club? My roommate Trevor did. He wants to drive the train. My buddy Dom and I have been talking this train hotel thing since ‘09. he’s got a kid though. AND THOSE ARE NOT ALLOWED!!!! 24+ unless like super clinically depressed and then have your parents spend a week with us first while you stay at a friends or something. We’ll talk after that. Y’all have festivals and stuff to go to. You can wait. Again you can take your kids to ANY OTHER CASINO!!! WE ARE SMOKING, DRINKING, FUCKING, AND DYING HERE. LEAVE US THE FUCK ALONE!!! WE GET RID OF OURSELVES IT’S NOT YOUR PROBLEM OR A FANTASY FOR YOU BREEDER! but like defs leave them at gram and gramps and grab a roman candle. ALSO BOWLING!

So how will this be staffed? Well I worked at edelweiss so basically what I’m saying is the government could fund this. Write your senator. “Holy ghost needs money, fam.” The trick here is we let the employees who work live there for free. You always have 90 days hold on your room if you need to figure stuff out. Obviously we trust you but if people complain about smells in a place like this you are doing something wrong… From there we have a guest side, which will be as costly as any high end retirement home, and in the middle are “Work rooms.” Healing of all sorts, Psycological, pharamacalogical, psysiological, you name more fancy words, I’ll wait. This would take place in the 3 or 4 stories up. maybe 5? I hear 5 stories is about optimal water effeciency. After that fighting gravity is like whhhhhaaaaattttt…..? so boom. Up top. Living space, hospital, good view. Down below, magic happens. I think that about sums up this plan. Why me you ask. Well I am the holy ghost and wouldn’t this be awesome? At the very least sub to the patreon to help me pay for med school!!! I’ll strip. I’ve done porn. amatuer but sufficient. Treat yourself.