uhhh… from when i was trapped in the computer…

2025.2.9

I’m working on a house ep… never been really good at producing and ai music could probably make infinite house music, but there is something to this silly method of mine… i’m gonna listen to each track through 1000 times and hopefully by the end someone will want to listen to it to… an ep with more forgotten about it than accessible… it’ll be fun to see if that comes through at all or if people will just claim it does… maybe it will be bland but novel for that reason… so far, I’m about 7 listens in and i have basic song structures down, some melodies in place, a few lucky sound design choices, and a lot to learn… if you like making house and use ableton, hit me up… (424) 242-3817 (gvoice) fuggin… smoke some bones… make some house…

theoretically i should be looking for a job… this pays the bills but keeps me chained to my pc because i just wait till calls come in. i could go somewhere else but i gotta be by the van and most calls are for north of denver which sucks because my brother and friends live south of denver…

typing that gave me the idea to see if i could get suno to generate some fun vocals to chop up because i cannot get enough of “Hyper Dai”. turns out suno was NOT trained on gospel… oh gee whiz wonder what that’s about… could be the same reason that’s a huge blindspot in my musical lexicon… This is happening as Kayne West is having a meltdown… He and i have the same brain thing… i think i pull off the messiah thing better but he’s definitely better at making music… be a fun collab maybe… or should i say… yebe? no… i don’t rock with nazi’s… I talk a lot of trash about jay-z and such but there’s not much he can do about this… so i’ll cut him some slack for not having his guy on this one… If they are using the same tech on him as they did on me his brain is bout to be FRIED… possibly brenden urie too but… that was a late game addition…

Side note: June 2024 had a notable side plot where my ex was sitting in some ballroom, surgical theater thing, next to her dad and of all people Donald Glover(get it cause the think tank delivers lines… they literally tested feeding me lines… all of that shit could have been scripted…). The fantasy was as such where they were putting up all the pictures from back in the day up on a screen with a live feed of me being broadcast in… once again, they were trying to give delusions of grandeur… this was that alright… Her imaginary dad was awfully embarrassed but i was like “she’s hot now! show em that belly” but in the… daydream?… she got topless (bra on) and everyone cheered… obviously that didn’t happen but kanye showed up with a naked girlfriend to the grammy's in real life so thanks for taking that bullet, chump change…(see the joke is his god is coasting on his celebrity rather than giving him good advice) Pretty sweet of her to give him a visual representation of the situation he’s in… i have no room to talk… i’m naked on the internet… she can do what she wants… like i said naked women make me comfortable… it’s just weird on the internet because you can’t be sure it got there happily… real life you can see body language… but this is about this house ep… has anyone ever done a whole house ep with vocal samples from house, the tv show? i don’t think it would be as fun as it sounds… it would get old quick… unless you got really creative… probably a lot of screaming and shouting in that show…

So the story goes i was making a china joke and i go “How many pedestrians does it take to paint a street?” and had some zinger to finish it off… In time lazer land, bob igor was showing off his mind control to some chinese nationals but the 4chan staff fed me some line about lead instead… apparently this caused a big fuss… they were fired after that and my handlers became authorities… hehehe… i can’t confirm the bob igor thing but there were several times it literally seemed like someone was typing shit into my brain and i kept having to tell them to knock it off… the funniest was when they tried me to go to the circle k… which is something i do all the time… should be easy peasy… but my “teammate” sneak was really good at piloting my body and playing tricks… so she had me leave my debit card out of my wallet… the hypnotist or whatever was trying to get me to go and all it took to break the spell was thinking “yeah where’s my debit card though?” they weren’t me and didn’t have an answer… see if they can get in your head they’ll pretend they’re you… ask who you’re talking to in your head…

the way I’m doing it is bpms 120, 124, 128, 134, and 144… each time it speeds up, I add 8 bars. this leaves me with a track with 4 “drops” and i am having a rather difficult time finding the flow with that one. it holds energy well but has no punch… because of that my options are to revert back to a standard two drops of 32bars or shuffle it into a subgenre i’m not familiar with… the plan was to have the builds and breaks stay tonic and do different chord progressions for the drops but i got lazy and repeated the bassline straight across… well the sub bass anyway… my goal is to make coherant pieces… most of my stuff is haphazard throwing together of sounds and so far this is no exception. However, we’re not even at 1% complete…

i was thinking on the way back from picking up this body, the drop in house is the familiar bit… so perhaps the builds are where the variation should be…

2025.2.10

This morning brought a call after only two hours of sleep so i doubt i’ll get my two listens in today… at that rate it would be 500 days of summer house jams… gave 120 bpm a listen and it is roooouuuuggghhhh times… gonna have to rearrange that one too… got real down on myself… said in the notes to scrap everything… ended up adding a synth with a terrible lfo and reworking the hats… the way the hats were before was really annoying… when i was a kid they told me show my work on my math homework and tests… now i’m more a liner notes artist than anything… wack… one of those kids who was always told he’d “change the world”… sure… with what money? inspiration is everywhere though because at some point it would be fun to take a break and remix “Hosanna” by Harry Belefonte… you can… if underbelly is still doing his roast sessions… post your attempts there… that will never get old… anywhere really… it’s like the rick roll of producing… if you do, record it so i can watch… this one time i was on 4chan and someone did a markaplier thread… i photoshopped his face on a penis because it was really funny. He had white stuff coming out of his mouth in a photo… i haven’t seen a single one of his videos… The youtuber dad was doing a livestream one night and i mentioned this… he read that on stream and got noticeably disappointed… two dad’s down… 3 if you count “the father”… boom… 3 wise asses… “dad” is way more athletic than me and has trained for probably years at this point… i keep running my mouth… LET’S TRY THIS! meet me in the pit… my step dad moshed with me once… good times… skit-tles is dreams…

as suspected, i slept all day… i don’t mind dying alone but waking up alone sucks ass… my fault… i do like people but am now realizing that between my dad and grammy… i don’t trust anyone who likes me… like if you like me that means you want something from me or my approval and no… this leads to enjoying someone until they start complimenting me and then… okay werido what do you want…? this leads to some pretty poor behavior but if you hate me and stick around… you actually like me… haven’t trusted anyone’s words since middle school… but mainly… there’s a sort of effect where i just don’t want to be observed… I had a roommate who stayed in his room all day doing cocaine… now i do the same with spliffs… he felt judged for his drug use and he was… i didn’t respond to my mom’s superbowl invite for the same reason… she is judging me… don’t get it twisted… So when i write this blog about making a house ep… I just want something normal to cling to… something i can work on and not be reminded of gods and the shithouse political climate we’re in… it’s not going to change the world… hell it might not even be good… it’s just something to do that doesn’t depress the hell out of me… it might be fun to smoke bones and make house as the world burns…

i seriously don’t understand what my life is… people seem to “get it” in a way i never did… i don’t support the current… or the past thing… or where the future is headed… i went to taco bell just now and they have those flirty sauce packetss which are great when you’re with someone and grab a handful to pass back and forth but damn do they fuck ya up when your facing down dieties… one said “always the plan” and if it is… it’s fucking stupid and i want no part in it… it was always the plan to get a bunch of “hosanna” remixes out there? even my plan of typing this while i make house is doomed to fail. this is already buried on the website and doesn’t need to be the length of moby dick… i don’t know what to fucking do… i wake up and i have people trying to drive me to suicide everyday and i’ve been there done that… i don’t want to infect anybody else but this has been a never ending nightmare for almost 9 months now… it’s not a pregnancy allegory… it’s not gonna stop… pardon my french but the faggots in charge suck ass and ever since they found out about me they decided to turn their “shit for brains” way up.

well i’ll be damned… doing some late night sampling after 2 hours of pirate radio on bluesky and “Hosanna” has it’s own riser built in… who would’ve guessed? the samples did not go where i thought they would

2025.2.11

Therapy day. We talked about toxic positivity and not slipping into abject negativity to avoid it. Here’s where I’m at… may have mentioned this before… I can’t live pretending like I’m okay with my life… but sometimes are cool… maybe a lot of people have that… i just get the feeling i’ll always be disgusted looking back…

120 is rough… i don’t understand how that’s the standard bpm… i have so much trouble bringing energy to that particular tempo… 124 on the other hand, has more tracks than plays which i’m somewhat proud of. I’m running into the same problem i normally do which is the sounds don’t really mesh the way i want them to. the rhythm is pretty catchy and punchy though. the happiest accident so far on this track is a simple wavetable pluck i put some bend notes on. turns out synthet was onto something. I have a lot of friends who are better producers than me… my roommate Trevor and i didn’t have another mixtape in us it seems… he’s in a band with a female kyle now… or kia… i dunno… Then there’s Midnight Wanderer who’s on an indefinite hiatus… that’s a bummer… Who could forget Triplash? I suppose i should also note my brother and i ran a podcast back in 2014 where we met a ton of edm people. Not really in contact with any of them though. you’d think in all that time i’d learn how to do the damn thing but full time jobs are a full time job… and i’m better at rapping so i try and get others to do the producing… works so far lol… you hear how good they are for their subscriber count… it’s rough out there… i had a broken record player in the old apartment my brother and i lived at in my early 20’s. One night we were tripping and put on calypso by Harry Belefonte… It was a blast speeding up and slowing down “Day-o”. I tried the same with “Hosanna” for 128 and it did not work… at all really… i have this banger intro… that honestly isn’t really that banger if i’m being honest… it’s like 3/4 banger but each fourth is the same so if i use that portion for the remaining bits… too repetitive… what i have now is… decent… it’s like one of those songs you find on soundcloud that makes you think “i see why you believed in this… but I’m not gonna spin it”

I showed Trevor the project and he said we could make it happen faster if i fleshed out the songs and gave him the stems. i explained the method behind the process. now he’s part of the story… 5 songs… 2 producers so far… He might move back to texas… who’s next?

I’m also realizing that i’m in the “want to stay a kid forever” phase of making this ep. You see… this is really about immortality… at what point will these songs stop growing in a meaningful way? what’s 100 years compared to 1000? each spin around the record, adding a notch or taking one away… sometimes radically different, but relatively the same… Here we are at roughly 11 plays a piece. Trevor is not impressed… i am not impressed… children are not impressive… songs are not children… but i’d say three out of 5 songs have some sort of direction in life… 120 is going to switch up their style to impress the other songs. 128 is just a hot mess but i love em to death… 124 is got the rizz as they to say(songs, what are you gonna do?) 134 is a social butterfly and 144 is simply a dear… poor 144… all their samples got cut short but I’m gonna make them a new batch just as soon as i care enough… i cared a little… i also scrapped most of 120 to make way for big room noises… i tried to lay out a melody and got as far as the rhythm in tonic… seeing as how that’s “fine” to the untrained ear… i no longer have any idea how these notes were arranged in my head… it’s twelve notes! i have how many words i can type at whim? To some extent these writings make sense… and yet i’m writing the musical equivalent of “bread could food, bread could food, bread were good, hungry hungry hungry.” Plus, as is the case with going into anything with little experience, the more dug in i get, the harder it is to make big changes… 120 got hella moody on play 12 and i like it but the drops are simply too long… cutting them in half seems overboard but that would make the most sense… don’t call solomon

Here i was thinking i could rest easy and start fresh tomorrow by sampling some Bongeziwe Manbandla to fix that intro in 128… I’m rolling a spliff, as it is my one day off a week and out of nowhere i start singing “99 red balloons.” Well the glowies spying on me and i have a laugh because they finally got one over on ol kyle and they were gonna see if i was gonna leave some links to this site on porn videos… which was fun for a while but then depressing… TOP OF THE FUCKING PAGE there’s a lady who i cannot believe is of age…(yes that link is the video… what is going on? gross… for the record, i didn’t watch it. it rolls through when you hover your mouse and if it was new i was gonna report it but from the related videos, there’s plenty more… here’s one more my speed) however most comments I’ve seen on a video so far which means it’s old and hopefully vetted… i don’t know if they have an in with the algorithm or if that’s just the state of affairs in the internet… no disrespect to short, flat, actresses but total boner killer in this case… like i said some people claim to fight that behavior to engage in it themselves and they are spying on me you better believe it… that’s part of making this house album… i am terrible at house… old people hate it… new kids don’t have the attention span for shitty producing… it’s the perfect fuck you to them… for over a year lol… Kill the President is a great Arrogant Sons of Bitches song…

2025.2.12

went to the dermatologist today and she took another biopsy. the numbing agent is wearing off as i type this. i don’t know why this is my life… wanting to die… but getting biopsies and surgeries to prevent such a thing… skin cancer just seems like such a silly way to go… i’ll wait till it’s throat, lung, or colon… i picked up a lady with throat cancer the other day… iv by the bed… looked brutal. Dermatology offices are weird… i’m worried about how the biopsy bills are piling up… some unpaid since 2022… meanwhile, there’s pamphlets for those who want to hold the wrinkles at bay for another couple of months… i assume they have to be in front of people all the time… that can’t be to fuck right? Tobacco has many drawbacks, but the way it ages a face is not one of them… the lines seem hard… dignified in a way… go into the smokers section in any airport and you’ll see it… something about it just dries people out i guess… inflating those water balloons seems silly… and yet… the very thing that would give me that look might kill me before i get it… guess the same can be said of any cosmetic surgery if one is allergic…

Work on the house ep is slow… 124 is at a point where i normally give up and go “yeah that’s basically a song”. I took some advice from a tutorial and added some faded sounds as drums came in… really helped warm up the feel… I also rearranged the drop a little for the aforementioned coherence. The sounds were contrasting a little too much for my liking and i was going to make a few more samples for accents. Instead i shuffled the sound i wasn’t fond of to the contrasting section and while it still needs work, the piece as a whole feels balanced in a way it didn’t this morning. Part of me is proud of how “good” the additions sound and wants to publish a before and after but the whole point of this project is NOT clogging up the internet with a bunch of stuff i thought others should waste time on. text is cheap, space and thought wise. Plus, neither version is very good. I may be ahead of the curve when it comes to comedy but i’m stumbling upon the same stuff any fresh faced producer would find given 6 months of ableton… at the end of the day there are only so many tricks but the best of the best have them dialed in… I’m happy if my automation envelope doesn’t make everything suddenly sound off so i copy paste it wherever I can… and then youtube recommends this… firefox recommended this… what did i fucking say about our culture? 128 had a happy accident and the song structure completely fell into place… Also, I switched out my “super sweet totally awesome i swear” lead for the drop with a Level8 preset… 134 has kind of fallen by the wayside. because i haven’t laid down the vocals, i keep trying to over compensate with other instruments. However, they’re talking me further from the vibe I have in mind… It’s strange how there is a level of exercise to this process. starting out always feels tough because i lack the confidence… then I’ll get into the groove and get a little over confident… met with my limitations… i get burnt out… in between sessions, i think about how to make things more manageable on myself and see gains… I’m at the threshold where i normally plateau and yet, the climb has just begun… just over 1%… another interesting bit is the songs have started to splinter off… i come across certain forks in the road where i can’t decide which element to accent so I’ll save a copy and go with my gut… perhaps I’ll come back to those skeletons and they will bare little resemblance to the finished products… they’ll become almost entirely distinct but with a shared heritage.

yes there is still metaphysical bullshit to sort through… when the scientist dumped me it was because i didn’t work hard enough and ended up working 6 days a week soon after… While cussing out my ex’s dipshit rescue boyfriend i mentioned how it was bullshit that everyone worked 7 days a week… well that’s the creator economy for ya… also the security guard at the hospital i picked up at was a petite latin woman as if some higher power were to go “see they do exist, pal! Quit overreacting.” It’s silly to address such notions but i will. From time to time i will be placed in a dilemma where i use the same tactics that i call out in others. I don’t know why it sends me into shame spirals but it does… the way i look at it is this… I chain smoke… If i saw someone i knew to not smoke casually have a cigarette at a party and i yelled out “see you’re just as bad as me” that would be a total asshole move… At the scale of a company, government, or god… it’s hard to claim hypocrisy on one guy… the responsibility simply isn’t the same… imagine facebook chastising me for lowering a girl’s self esteem… that’s actually why i reject authority for myself… i fuck up constantly… always grounded as a kid… never been good enough for anyone… kinda stopped trying… the one’s who believe want too much… furthermore… One does not have to move heaven and earth to opportunistically cherry pick those situations… other calls came in today… 5 minutes makes a lot of difference… but now this is getting written instead of whatever silly connection i would’ve made otherwise… a note about relaxing… the witch i used to live with told me that one must relax to take in information… she was talking metaphysically but it’s true in a lot of instances… if one is thinking of something to say, one is not listening… That lady also used to give me acid as if we were gonna hang out and then leave me all alone in a room of her artwork… my point is some sources of information aren’t worth dealing with and you probably shouldn’t relax around them… I have been unable to relax for months because i can never be sure which habits are being monitored and by who… (Speaking of the who… Kill the president is a great arrogant sons of bitches song…) hence why my heckles are up about any suspicious activity fed to me by the algorithm… and to think… these are the people i used to report this stuff to… what clowns… so i can’t relax… ever again… it’s the same with alcohol… i got alcohol poisoning in spain and now whenever someone wants to drink with me, i get very suspicious… that and my mom trying to soften the blow when i was fat as a kid… i lost the weight and off handedly said “but you said i was never that big right?” to which she replied “oh no you were, i just didn’t want to hurt your feelings”… So being told to relax is out, compliments are out, drinking with people is out… Again i’m in therapy but this is not good people… how many others have suffered as I have and simply fallen into madness, addiction, and death? They could’ve made mad addictive house! i suppose meditation is cool too

2025.2.13

uggghhhhhh….. it’s too cold… i don’t want to do anything… I’m just doing this to make fun of paperwork… and immortality… and spies… they say treat music like a job so… endless documentation… it’s 9 in the morning… 10 degrees farhenheit… the world is in chaos… if i want this back tattoo… the clearest way to make the money is to pick up this dead person across town… then we’ll see if i can push those songs into their teen plays… i don’t understand people who had kids during the pandemic… did you think it was going to get better? Plus with mass media, they ain’t yours completely… might be mine someday if you ain’t wise… they’ll be making house just like ol man holy ghost k-wullums… My parents told me to do or not to do stuff… but the internet said “nah hang with us”…. i did… 32… no property… no savings… ableton… and for as much as this project is about all the aforementioned things, this is also about skill sets. A piece of music is an interesting phrase because there is so much to it. In 1000 plays, i am not going to be a concert pianist. I haven’t plugged in a keyboard at all this project just to see if i could… i can’t… or didn’t… i used the midi key option to tap something out on my laptop… So whatever I produce will be a piece of a much larger whole called music… That piece will be a bunch of different pieces and today it’s impacts… I saw a short with Skrillex talking about drums and remembered none of my songs have any impacts yet so i could make like 20 today and see if any are any good… might take away from the daily plays but if it works, that’s a quick way to beef them all up…

Admittedly, I am more interested in talking about the process than doing it today. While listening to “Rapid Fire” i was reminded of the various ways things come about. I am no expert in ai but from what i understand, music is an odd intersection of text and image generation. Text generation is just going for the median word that comes after the words it has already typed. Image generation starts with static and “works backwards” till the static makes sense. So then music, it would seem, collapses a wave of white noise into sound based on what proceeds it… freaking bizarre… This is opposed to either way my recent projects have come about. I started this with five, three minute tracks of “boots and cats”, a far cry from white noise. For the video project I simply said to myself “1000 words a video… two videos a day… rest is up to you”. Knowing that it’d take some time to find my footing, I split the thing up into “seasons” because the first season is always finding the footing… Would ai have that kind of foresight? or would i have to incorporate that into my prompt. Furthermore, given these two or three types of creation, how will these interact on group projects? “Rapid Fire” is a song made by at least four producers. As a fan of most of them… Impressive as always… As a critical thinker, this track seems like one of my free beats, just at their skill level… There a distinct lack of flourish and care put into the layering, most notably in the vocals. The first drop doesn’t really go anywhere… it’s like a square wave… intro off… drop on… Drop two makes ya go “yeah i do like Excision”… The whole thing suggests 4 or 5 incredibly talented people had a fun afternoon and it fell somewhere above what the weakest one could do on their own… hell… if i was dicking around with X, Wooli, and Ganja, i’d release 4 minutes of us farting after bean burritos… but you compare “Rapid Fire” to “Bass Cannon” and while things have gotten cleaner sound design wise, doesn’t it leave you with the same feeling of new vs old jurrasic park? It just speaks to how painstaking edm production is… 4 talented musicians can come together and rehearse all day but typically people produce on one computer or send files back and forth. Similarly, those 4 musicians can riff for 20 minutes and sing some “i la la love you’s” and there’s a good demo left behind… getting back in the room and dialing everything in is what’s going to stop a studio version from appearing… A couple of beers and a track session leaves you with something a person like me would slot into their set, however, that track could’ve been sent back and forth for YEARS if that crew wanted to… it might ruin a friendship or two… it has happened to many bands… Is any of this going to come into play with ai? has it already?

i tried to do too much at once with 120. Cut the drop in half, built a riser, and beefed up the bass. This leaves a bunch of empty space during the new gaps. By the time i got to making impacts, i just layered two 909 snares like the Skrillex said and it sounds pretty fucking mid… but slightly more mid compared to the trash it was… either way, goth baby is fun so far… great way to kick things off and given it ends with a track in 144, i can end on something that anticipates the growl at the beginning of 120… I can’t tell you how baffled i am at how many times i can listen to the same 5 Remi Wolf songs… That team is working some magic for sure… 124 is changing up it’s style to distance itself from 120. 120 is dark and broody. 124 is more sensitive but still had gurgly edgelord drops… I listened to it in full without changing anything, planning on just doing some housekeeping. Instead, halfway through that, i found myself making a hypersaw lead that honestly has too many oscillators. Vital has a table spread option in it’s unison so you can assign the additional oscillators to various wavetable positions… I cranked em all up over a basic shapes patch so now i have infinity saws from square to triangle… it sounds like bees 4 blocks away… 128 is shaping up to be more tropical, what with the “Hosanna” sample… All these songs started out as 3 minutes of boots and cats, then that plus gargles… Now 120 is in theater back of house… 124 is thinking about team sports… 128 doesn’t know how to surf but sure has a lot of posters and a dynamite vocal chop… That vocal chop is the kind of thing that kills me about making music… just drums, bass, and that chop… i could listen for 20 minutes… but the listener wants a whole ass song and i get the feeling that anything i add to or around it is going to make the thing seem less pleasant… That’s kinda my thing… I make things… seem less pleasant… somehow… you too by association… I am tapped out… somebody died but they were very light so my partner(coworker, we show up in pairs) decided to go at it alone… now i’m antsy because i know i’m next but music is confusing and i still only made that one impact… at least that gives me some direction for the next track. I also have to record vocals and can’t seem to find my sd card for my zoom recorder… my condenser broke and there’s a ton of reverb in this shed… doing this housekeeping has got me thinking about the song “Painting Rainbows” by who else but The Skrillex… A lyric like that has multiple meanings but look at ableton… top to bottom on my projects is most rythmic to least… so percussion is red and for whatever reason there are voices in my head going “why are the kicks red though?” and i can’t tell if that’s anything or I’m just preparing for judgement… i don’t know why i’d have to justify that but someone out there cares and i can’t tell if i just conjured it into existence. If anything i made a camp who will claim to care as if i used the wrong “they’re” in an essay… and a third camp going “well if that’s what you expect from us then yes… why are the kicks red?”… I don’t have synesthesia… Some people hear notes… so those notes could have color… even my relative pitch is pretty wack… I would think that lower sounds correspond to lower frequencies of light… so kicks would be purple… hats would be red… snares would be yellow or green… That would be a mess…. However… some producers might like to cycle through… a rainbow for drums… a rainbow for synth… a rainbow for samples… a rainbow for transitional elements… who knows? what is this? Hermeticism and the art of house producing? oh good… now I’m crying… So many people say it… probably because it’s true… It does suck to suck… see I’m doing this in preparation to go back to school… learning, essays, hours of trying to understand what i’m looking at on a screen… sharing basic knowledge that i recently discovered and find fascinating… all the hits…

i did some housekeeping on 134 and then did some physical housekeeping while trying to find my sd card. No luck, so vocals will have to wait. I didn’t make any edits to the song as listening to it left me in awe of how much pot I’ve smoked since 2011… I’m breaking that one into two songs. The drop is insane in a “nobody would make this” kind of way and it does not match the vibe i’m going for at all. might be fun to bring the tempo down on what i have though… I was bored of housekeeping so you know what i did? I added an impact to 144… it’s trash… the song is at a place i like to call “fuck you for expecting better” but songs like that don’t sell records at this level of talent… Others can shit out wackiness and have it sound good… i don’t know my way around the knobs like they do… people make sample packs for this kind of thing. there’s also splice… I’m paying to much to keep my merch up as it is… so… sub to the patreon to keep this going… if i get enough subs to pay the bills, you won’t hear about dead people any more… for a while… there is some exclusive content but not as much as some would like…

Turns out a couple of dank songs were released today. no notes…

2025.2.14

Valentine’s day. Had an early morning call and now I have the option of meeting up with my mom and brother for breakfast but I’ll probably go back to bed. i don’t understand why we made all these lights… if i were the march of progress, I’d figure out how to do more with the light that’s available and sleep more… although… I do hate the sun so maybe the lights were a way to deal with the sun less… I’m here for it… but they blot out the stars and those are like the best part of night… you might think i’d have something to say about love as i am lonely and bitter about it, but mainly i’m just gonna focus on not being so bitter about it… you deal with your own issues… meanwhile… i only slept 3-4 hours last night and have been out all day. it’s almost 19:00 as i write this. I went back to the el paso county coroner today and no weird feelings like what happened the preceding summer. I’ve gone back through almost all the triggers. Working at a job that reminds me of my ex, trolling 4chan, taking mushrooms, and now even el paso… I have a tattoo appointment in march to see if that does anything… the skin cancer might be back and even that isn’t tripping my head up very much. I am forever changed though… I constantly talk to any microphone that might be connected to the internet… i talk to people in my head out loud… i am that stereotype… although, the convulsions are basically gone… every now and then i’ll say a zinger to the camera and my whole body will droop like “why does he have to say such mean things?” That or i’ll get the impulse to slam my fist as if i had enraged dr. claw… aside from that, not much body invading… The last trigger would be cutting off my dad but i can’t do that again… his number is blocked and i removed him as a friend on facebook. His sister called me the other day and offered to add context to the family history… classic dad… getting the women in his life to appeal to me… My aunt and i have been pretty tight since my grammy passed though so i’m not reading too much into it. Speaking of my grammy, she always asked my brother and i to be her valentine… now i’m questioning if it was a sweet thing for a grandmother to do or if she kept herself lonely to do stuff like that… weird… More so than anything it was about not giving up control… Many have been burnt by love… She was left for another woman after the death of her third child and a hysterectomy(rude naming by the way)… i was left for another man after an abortion and a vasectomy… My grammy’s lifestyle of whiling away the hours on poetry and screens is crap… This has been the shittiest year on record… meanwhile, my brother got left for a coke dealer and brought a woman to breakfast that exhibits a lot of the behaviors his ex did… I have been jealous of him many times… he was always more popular with the ladies… I can’t do that… My aunt is on her 4th marriage…

When one suddenly gets dumped, especially if one was wronged, there is a fork in the road. Can you ever be part of that kind of team again? My mom has been happily married for over a decade and still has her own things in order in case things don’t work out… I recently dropped a friend (does that count?) for poor taste in company but he went through a similar thing and decided to hang himself by a celibate rope to quote young mc… My grammy had an on again off again thing with a guy she started dating at roughly 38 by my estimate… he was just crackin 20… between her kids’ ages… I think I’ve brought this up… Her reasoning was that she wanted total autonomy over her house, finances, and time. Why let a man come in and spoil it? I look at fame the same way… Each stage of the game brings more people to please and while theoretically they just want you to do your thing, even with crocheting random stuff at a loss, i get people throwing in ideas for projects way beyond my scope or interest. Plus, I have like 5 or 6 really good friends in this life and only 2 of them seem to get along at any given point or time… My brother counts and everyone loves him so he can make that 3… I kinda dropped the ball with all of them last summer and they were all very sweet about it… However, trying to thread the possibilities of life path they want is a chore and a half, especially considering when i really look back at everything… all the things in life… what i love most is smoking weed and giving head… not at the same time but back and forth all day(or in circles if that’s more your style)… I’ve done all the other stuff and i wouldn’t to get the opportunity to give head… That being said… you gotta do something between meals so i do… Right now it’s making house, i guess… but we are doing numbers today… to make a comfortable wage at this job, 6 calls a day at roughly 2 hours a piece is the sweet spot. 4 so far… averaging 1-2…

Coming back, the off ramp by my house usually has a person panhandling all night. i was looking at them as i approached the light and saw a flash of white. I looked over to see a woman in what appeared to be a white skirt pop out of nowhere in front of me like the pilot episode of supernatural or something… luckily she wasn’t in the road… i just didn’t see her… that happens with me sometimes and i tell people i can teleport… all i had was a 5 so i gave her that… spooky… i could play the songs through but i am le tired… duo lingo is sad i gave up on korean… uhhhhh…. 120 i added to the impact layer and it did practically nothing because it turns out part of the reason the top loop i chose is so good it has an impact in it. 124 i just added utilities to all the tracks. i think i have a fun vocal for the build in mind. 128 i tried to midi out the vocal chop for more consistency with the rhythm in the drop. The file i’m left with leaves a lot to be desired but i counted that as a change. that one is pleasant. Doesn’t go anywhere though. 134 and 144 i did some housekeeping on. 144 i remade the impact track and somehow it’s worse… consistent but boring and distracting… not how you want impacts to be…

2025.2.15

When i was 14, i lost the closest thing i had to a step mom… smoke meth at work… shame on you… get arrested a year later for meth again… she was out… eventually she popped back up and we’ve gone to some concerts together. That really sucked though… this is the most bullshit part of making this house album… why did i treat plays like “years old”? luckily, in two weeks or so the songs will have “outgrown” me and i can be paranoid the rest of my life the same way i am with any life situation ever… I was dating two girls for about two weeks and at first, i asked them if we could be one big happy throuple… no… they didn’t want to see or hear from each other. I loved them both but in different ways… One was a poet and grew up with similar traumas. The other was an art historian of sorts… We’d have long conversations about creators than inspired us and visited museums wherever we went. People kept telling me i had to choose and i couldn’t so i waited till one gave me the ultimatum and went with the other one… Elswhere, my friend from maine dated two guys for months and ended up marrying a third. She’s a mom now… When i started seeing my ex, i thought i knew how to play it… Alaska happened and now i’m thinking she took my friend’s route… maybe, maybe not… useless to think about… I am though so i get the impression when i’m 53, i’ll be thinking to myself that it was the “year” i learned a new mixing trick that really helped layer the sounds in a way i did not see coming and spend the whole year reading self help books… humans… what are ya gonna do?

I have to lower the master a whole bunch because my speakers are too loud. My mom is 60 this year and just found out she needs hearing aids so i have less than 30 years of good hearing, if that… What’s crazy is cars, fans, and various other hums will wear out your ears faster than anything else… most of what ears do is filter stuff like that out so that’s the equivalent of holding a sack rice all day as opposed to listening to a loud song and bringing in the groceries… of course, too much too soon is always gonna break ya but the constant effort we but in to just get back to some silence is ridiculous… if you ever do, you’re ears are ringing like crazy from having the car windows open or something… I wonder if people by rapid rivers go deaf faster than those my something like the mississippi… This is to say i spent that time yesterday adding utilities and i want them all to start at -6db for mixing purposes but instead of making a preset and dropping that everywhere, i dropped the initial in and have to do it all over again… i do have the preset now though… It’s incredible to me that a producers DAW becomes it’s own instrument. I used to have a copy of tony hawk’s pro skater on n64 but no memory cartridge. To play with others, i’d just beat the game in 15 minutes. Up until now, I’ve produced music the same way. Come in totally blank and make whatever in an hour or two. Send it off to be finished somewhere else. Obviously, I’m not proficient enough to get many people to finish my musings… They have stuff they’re working on… apparently… oh what? everyone has “ideas” now? Contrast this to my buddy Triplash who went to school for this stuff and has been making what i think of as bangers for years. He’s coming out with the best stuff of his career in less time than ever because he can open up his machine and all he has to do is plop in sounds and get the level adjusted. In 4 hours he can make something equivalent to what I’m probably going to end up spending years on… but perhaps after this, i’ll be where he was years ago… or… for once my “hey people let’s have fun together” plan will work and i’ll fast track the process by hanging out with everyone famous… influencer’s influencer… nothing but attitude and lifestyle… straight rizz surrounded by cha-ma… other producers don’t have to contribute to my thing… i can drop bars all day… just let them hear it and see if they have thoughts… back to the drawing board… repeat… they can’t bring any recording devices or plug anything in to my lap top though while we work on the house ep… new music is fair game… they have more lawyers than i do… I have relative knowledge of who has access to my phone… namely, intelligence agencies… What I don’t have an understanding of is what I’m doing or working with… I have made things… Here i am once again cracking open the ableton manual and going “how the fuck does anyone on earth read, let alone understand all of this?”… Yet some do… Some people get famous off of dropping in presets and calling it good because they just have the “knack” i guess… no disrespect there. It’s more competency than i have in this realm… Others understand this entirely and completely and make stuff that bores me to indifference… I don’t understand that either… This is a pretty cool halfway… the word intelligent is a little up its own ass though… “fluffy cowboy” is intelligent too… there’s a lot going on there… I interviewed Flux Pavilion on time and I had seen him at red rocks so i was asking questions like “so you party up?” He had just broken his ankle in a golf cart incident or something and he was really cool about stuff but he kept returning to “nah dude, i pretty much just put it all back into the music… big parties are cool but i like places where you can see my hands on the decks and really get a vibe going”… That was 11 years ago and Flux just put out my favorite track since Blanke’s “deranged”. If you have time, compare how much cleaner “fluffy cowboy” is. There’s constant debate in the edm scene about where the noise shelf should be. some low level white noise helps drown out unwanted elements in samples and adds crunch to the track. I find it to be a little distracting in some mixes and is a huge problem with ai edm. You know what they say… those who can’t do, compare critically… Gets rick rubins paid i guess… shiiiiiiii is tiesto still performing? I heard he had ghost producers back in the day but could just be a rumor.

I have my keyboard plugged in finally. Gear is an element of music we all know and love. Settle down brits. I bought this keyboard off facebook marketplace thinking it was a steal of a deal, not knowing native instruments makes you pay for $200-$400 dollars in software just to use it as a midi controller… Once one does, it’s fantastic. The Komplete Kontrol s49 boasts 49 responsive unweighted keys and 8 knobs, plus touch screen pitch and mod wheels and all the movement buttons one would expect to completely control your sound. That only gets you so far in synthesia… So as a lifelong akai user, I bought an mpc key 61 when it came out… only to find out it was too big for my space and awful as a controller. By the time i was planning on selling it the price had been halved. I paid over 2000 dollars for that and in a moment of desperation, pawned it for 300 to keep smoking and driving while i reverse spied through telepathy… or had a schizophrenic adjacent manic episode… either way what a fucking dismal tale… The keyboard itself is fine… the software is the issue. I don’t understand why i can’t use a keyboard for anything AND have the software. If you aren’t using the MPC software with that thing, the whole screen glares red… you can still work in your DAW with it but i had to cover the screen. and move my arm over my bed if i wanted to go lower than c2.

in other news it is 13:00 and i am feeling an intense euphoria all throughout my body but nothing about my mental state has changed… no change in smoking habits… two minutes later starting to fade but woah… I need to keep up with pirate radio though… that’s how i promote this. How does a man making no income off of this find the drive to juggle so many plates? Well… i love the people my enemies harm… so… it’s for them? or… uhhh… being alone with my thoughts feels very much like not being alone with others thoughts… so best to turn those thoughts into “not words”. The bullshit is again i leak all over the time… when i was a kid and couldn’t sleep, i’d be hearing all these voices arguing so i’d try and turn them into a band and have them play music but it’d just start repeating phrases and turn into garbled nonsense… kinda sounded like producing dubstep but that wouldn’t be a thing in the USA till 2008. i miss mashups…

18:30 had another call and ate dinner… 42 years of marriage… enjoy it while you can folks… the daughter made some offhand comment about getting to dating and looked to be not much younger than me but shit… a lady from one of the nice parts of town? As she’s losing her dad? Nah, been around the block to know that I’m one the nice girls go through to get to better… At least some of them don’t end up suicidal… the last one was somewhat honest about it… On the way back i bought an SD card so i should be able to start laying down some vocals… the recorder can do stereo and it might be neat to do some analogue panning but why do that when you could change the pan with automation especially if it needs to be layered? I’m not one of these vocalists who can lay down harmonies… got the vocal demo’d for 124 and started working on the midi of the vocal chop on 128 but i have to go give a troop one of their final supports. The flag we have is rather cheap. I have a better one but it needs to be burned on account of the hole it has in it from flying into a signpost off the freeway. I had forgotten the bag of supplies on top of the van while picking up two people from a hospital back in 2021. A couple days ago, a family gave me their stepdad’s flag while picking up their mom. It’s on my bookshelf in front of the one that’s got a hole in it. Nice family. Their mom had great taste in decoration. Everyone grieves differently. We always ask if anyone needs more time after we get the deceased on the gurney. The son said no. The daughter said yes. The son walked with me all the way to the van. Even got in the elevator. I never know what to say.

22:00 Speaking of saying things, Have i mentioned how ugly elon musk’s mom is? I’ve been making those jokes because she is and he pays people to spy on me. I told the spy networks from the beginning that the only thing i have remotely close to jailbait these days might have been some pics of my ex from her college days. That’s why she keeps getting brought up. I’ve said way more than needs to be said about her and there really is nothing more to say. So every time she gets brought up in the psychic channels i start talking about elon’s mom and how disgustingly putrid she looks. Problem is I’m always trying to one up myself. She got hired to test mirrors for durability, she needed hair plugs because the wigs kept jumping off(she didn’t shoot the dalmatians first), a new species of mole evolved from the local badgers in her neighborhood, they replaced the starting pistol for the ididerod with pulling a bag off her head, the men in south africa pooled a dowry to have his dad take her off the dating pool, etc… however, for the first time ever, and probably the only time… elon was funnier than me… He crafted the ultimate joke simply by choosing to go to mars… because elon musk’s mom is soooooooooo ugly… the moon is not far away enough for her own son… he found out they might invent immortality and decide to get the fuck off the planet as soon as possible… all the money in the world cannot erase that joke… I still have to do payroll and i’m still missing about 6 hours of sleep that i won’t get tonight at this call volume. Progress on the house ep will have to wait till tomorrow… first week to break $1000 pre tax… that’s like playing one whole wedding…

Decided to take another look at 128 and it’s becoming sort of a music theory puzzle… 3 notes are too close together… G#,A… B… which would suggest i need to find a way to keep this melody centered around G# in… some basic form of A… G# locrian is out… I’m basing this off a vocal chop and i’m not gonna go in and autotune those B’s and D’s up a semitone… Furthermore this is tropical house… if there way ever a time to use a major key it’d be now… But it kind of makes sense as to why it’s so captivating… 7-1’s all over the place…

2025.2.16

i slept… ran pirate radio this morning… got two calls… now it is 20:00 and i want to go back to bed but i have not touched ableton… The spies on my phone keep getting reverse stockholm syndrome… They think because i joke around with them, i like any of them… there’s like 2 or 3 people that have stood up for me specifically… everyone else is just adjusting to this “Everyone for themselves. No gods, no masters” kind of life… if a security gaurd is smarter than the person they are protecting… as is the case with anyone erik prince employed… fuck him… why listen? just take their money and keep them smiling at the cameras with a gun to their back…

watched a couple of youtube videos… time is running out today… There’s no reason to put this pressure on myself… I was already locked in a room and kanye west came up. I remembered the “lock yourself in room doing five beats a day for three summers” line. I think he meant “finish 5 beats” in a day… I’m just listening to my house tracks… not really trying to do his numbers though… maybe at one point i was but as a white rapper, the game is very different for me… All i have to prove is i like words and i think the people who use them well are somewhat admirable… When i was around 6 or 7, i was camping with my mom and saw a kid on a gravel hill across the river sliding into the water… i went to go help them and suddenly all these adults were yelling from a bridge to keep moving… my memory jumps from that to being in a camper with an older girl… maybe a teenager… i’m laying with my head in her lap wondering what just happened and she goes this is eminem… My parents were getting divorced at the time. The elementary school had a “divorce counseling” program so they’d pull around 10 of us out of class and we’d watch movies about divorce. As a treat for… continuing to exist… we got m&m’s. little kyle is laying in this girls lap thinking “why are there always m&m’s being handed to me?” My grammy had a knitted duck that would poop out m&m’s when one squeezed it. We all got a big kick out of that one. The older girl laughs and puts headphones on my 6 yr old ears and suddenly i’m hearing “HI MY NAME IS WHAT? MY NAME IS WHO? MY NAME IS chicka chicka slim shady.” Life simply went on… In middle school poetry became a hobby of mine and my neighbor introduced me to of all things, slim’s rivals, the insane clown posse. My mom was not happy about that. Then i found out about mcchris. At that point, eminem had resurfaced in my life and i knew popular rap songs but kept my tastes remained in the nerd rap scene. Everything changed in high school when i found golden era. “Mr. Trails. Young ladies jump in the sack. I never kiss and tell, instead i fuck and then brag.” Well i needed more of that. By 11th grade i was writing myself and that’s when my friends showed me Blackalicious and Wu-Tang Clan. After that i bought or downloaded any and all hip hop I could get into my ears… there is a lot at play in some of those lyrics. However, in the words of Dr. Dre “it ain’t hard, in fact it’s kind of simple, to think of something that’s creative or original. You either talk about the place to be, who you are, what you got, or bout a sucka MC.” While working at edelweiss, my coworker john and i bonded over a love or hip hop. the more we talked, the more it became clear my tastes were still really white… John introduced my to isaiah rashad, vince staples, and Kembe x to name a few. He became my rick rubins as he called it when i made a mixtape out there… somehow i lost all those files… john was white too. So when it comes to kanye’s numbers and work ethic verses mine in the realm of hip hop, what would i gain in trying to jake paul him lyrically or musically? I care about the people that hip hop represents and i sure as hell wouldn’t want to show up and tell a pioneer of the genre how to spend his time and money… I’m content to let the motivation be what it is… “lock yourself in a room doing five beats a day for three summers”… he was 6 years younger than me when he released that… Then went on to make 3-4 of the best albums of all time… after dark twisted… meh… kinda went an elton john route… gonna have a wicked greatest hits but some of those deeps cuts are… ooof… I’m typing this instead of following his advice… It’s more fun because I can’t mess it up… Their music is done… Speaking of being done… J-Live is my favorite rapper of all time and JID is probably the best right now… Obviously it’s Mr. Morale’s time to shine (turn the tv off like you watched the superbowl for him… awesome…) but damn… Spilligion feels like what chance the rapper was working toward before big day happened and then you go back to the solo stuff and sheesh… all of which is to say please play “Shame on a n****” at my funeral… Furthermore, mad props to women like Doechii, Glorilla, FLO, and B for Better, out there running the game right now… that’s a problem with producing edm… little homogeneous… but i suppose it comes down to why you do what you do… is it to share interests with others or is because you need attention? I am trolling mass surveillance networks… “Kill the President” is a great Arrogant Sons of Bitches song…

I finally recorded vocals for 134 but i need to figure out warping for pitch modulation and layering… could be more rehearsed if i’m being honest but i can always record a better version and drop it in the effects chain. 144 got some chords added to it which completely changed the feel but in a way that accents what i want to bring out of the melody and samples so far. The impact was really clashing with the drop and i couldn’t figure out how to make it work. After, taking out that sample, the drop got some energy back to it. Good thing I have over 980 plays to go. lotta swings and misses along the way, probably…

2025.2.17

The glowies or some shit want me to talk about my wack ass parables. One goes there’s a bully on the beach kicking everyone’s sand castles… one can comfort those affected, rally all the kids to take the bully down, or do what i would do and grab a rock covered in sea urchins and hide it in my sandcastle. Then i’d call the bully a shithead for kicking castles… another one goes scales of justice suck… Salt can weigh as much as sugar and both can weigh as much as sand. What you want is the teeter totter of wine pressing… Imagine a teeter totter that has grape squishers on the bottom… Think of weight as power… it would be foolish to take all the power and call the other person to your side… teeter totter ain’t moving… it would foolish to give up all your power and crawl to the other side… however, if both people give up a little at the right time, those two have fun, everyone else gets wine… this is what’s known as the division of labor… the question is… if we’re so good at it… why don’t we feel good about it? Could be some are trying to hang a painting while others are going for perpetual motion…

20:13 I just got done doing pirate radio for like 9 hours… might not produce today… there were protests going on… i figured turn em into a block party. I even went to the 7-11 and held my phone playing the music to get a taste of the experience… doubtful any of the music made it to the protests but there’s a lot of posts from a day ago on my feed so tomorrow will be fun for people… may put producing on hold… my head is splitting…

i worked a bit on 120… fell down a little side quest… i want the effect of a resonator wiping across a tone without the tone… it’s proving to be difficult… i tried adjusting the phase on a sine wave and that didn’t do it. that was the classic trick for getting vocals… use an instrumental inverted… it’s not working here… but i made something that sounds like someone more confident than me might put in a song!

2025.2.18 14:40

Another therapy day. We talked about getting overwhelmed and burning out. I told her about this house ep and how it turned into rotating that silly shape. The thing is, since doing pirate radio and producing this house ep, I’ve become comfortable doing chores again… there’s got to be some in between of taking care of the things that matter and making everything matter… For instance… i ought to wash my hoodie and take out the trash but i ate too much chicken and i’m gonna eat more and veg out… due to the fact that the underscores are closer to their line than the one below, i do have to type all 8 frames of the rotation out… fml… either way it’s not gonna look good because there will always be some jitter in the placement… but fun gif…

I made a little music boo boo in 124… I made this chord and melody motif that sounded really good… You know why it sounded good? because it’s ii-ii-v-I… it’s in a key i like to call G lazy because i dropped the 7th on accident making the 5 minor and i’m sure that’s a mode but the “lazy” is just because G major has on sharp and i just forgo that… Oddly enough, now i have to NOT be lazy filling in the rest of this song… The bees lead is straight killing it to the point when i don’t know what to balence it out with… I really admire artists like Knock2 and JOYRYDE who stutter up their drops. tpyically something like a-b-a-b-c-c-c-dx2… or something… right now i have a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a with some fun sounds hitting in the background. that shit bangs though… it’s like the song a high schooler shows his friends that make them go “yeah dude! you should keep working on that! it’s coming along well.” I made an arpeggio for it today… looped it’s fine but it really adds to the shift between drop and verse… there isn’t the typical build… it’s kind of inspired by an avalanches song… i deleted everything that wasn’t working in 128 which was everything but the drums and the samples… There was a track labelled noise and i thought “hey one of my white noise washes was good, let’s add that,” but it was an audio track… I guess i was going to do the classic “reverse crash, crash” method but this is tropical house… this isn’t a drum wash, it’s a wave wash. Also one of the samples has a guitar chord in it and i tried to drown it out with an off beat organ… Problem is i carried a note over into every chord and it sounded super flat. You’d think that wouldn’t be an issue with just a I and V but i had to get jazzy and make the I a 7th chord… ugh… decided to dick around on the keyboard in B lazy… It’s funny because we all know that resolves to C but nope! B lazy, sucka… No A lazy… can’t let drake catch ya slippin… apparently locrian is big these days… especially in E? That could be Eazy E… so the lazy keys are A Minor, B Lazy, C Major, D Lazy, Eazy E, F Lazy, G Lazy. Knowing this will make one worse at music theory… I junked pretty much everything in 134 as well… here’s what got shelved…

the thing is, much like anyone can burn down a house, anyone can delete tracks. a happy accident is a great start to a song but there is a ton at play here. Heck. any producer worth their salt is basically a composer and player while making the instruments in their orchestra… it’s sonic alchemy at it’s peak. similar to how marvel movies get compacted down into k-pop videos, all the explosions and tension in a film score for any thriller gets whittled down into two drops.

i added noise to 144…

had an idea about delay and found a new noise i want. The effect of sweeping one side of a delay over the other. i tried the audacity removal trick and it completely silenced the track using the carbon copy, however i got a lot of the original synth in the mix when i tried to use an inverted steady delay…

2025.2.19

too fucking cold in this shed…

What the fuck am i doing here? I have to keep telling myself that one only see’s obstacles on the path they’re on… This is the first time I’ve tried to make “professional grade” house and I don’t know why i think gifs instead makes the house album happen… my goal before this was to love my ex for as long as possible and life literally ratcheted up the difficulty to god mode… like I meant because she was cool… not because i like challenges… fuck challenges… her kicking me off and running down the hall was a challenge enough… her idea… not mine, lol… and i’ll be honest… all that time apart made things NO BETTER… NOTHING I HAVE GONE THROUGH HAS MADE ME BETTER OR MORE COMFORTABLE… what’s even the point? Even if something good comes of this it’s tragic that it came to this and i cannot, will not, forgive this world. You know what gets me through? Memories of my head in her lap, memories of the fun in germany, the memory of the bath… That stuff gets me thinking even if this isn’t worth it, that could be over the horizon if i play my cards right… otherwise being beset by self sabotage and… supernatural sabotage? and just good ol fashioned people reacting to me… ugh… have ya tried not? Remember when this happened? and I kicked that mother fuckers ass so what?! apparently what is youtube recommending me videos about ozempic to have me fret about my ex because there’s a hint of me caring about her… her mom is such a pest about body image… my whole deal is her not suffering at my expense so… typing this is me being used to seem crazy or something? psshh… crazy i’m not making better house. I just think it’s funny because Ezekiel does this too… it’s a bunch of murder and shit and then a long boring drawn out bit about a house… and Triplash’s name is Kubitz lol… let me show you how the game is played… i’m slowing down in the house ep. In 2017 i said “and you could have been the best but then you froze, betcha gonna blame it on that snow.” now it is freezing and i don’t want to dive into production when a call could come at any time… and apparently whatever i’m facing is stupid because i did take “them” home… That was the concert i was sad i missed while in germany… and what i went to see before alaska… I’m on some OTHER SHIT YO… it’s called house music… maybe you’ve heard of it?

i made a wood block lead for 120… took like 40 minutes to lock in but i think it’s sounding pretty kino

18:12 Well i ended up getting the call and it reminded me of something i bring up quite often but might not have on this website which is the “see it’s not so bad of it all” sometimes i don’t hear my phone while producing and if we don’t respond to the dispatch text, the dispatcher calls. On weekdays, that’s my manager. I am on somewhat thin ice because I think everyone at berkshire hathaway and anyone working on the samsara app can use cordless drill as an electric toothbrush… While working on 124, i got a call from my manager, seeing if i could make it to the coroner before they closed. A voice in my head said “see that’s what you were worried about but it wasn’t that bad… funny huh?” no… maybe for whatever said that… You’ve read i greatly enjoy my enemies suffering but am i an enemy to this voice? That is not a lesson worth teaching. “don’t be prepared” is foolish. If you want to show someone a space is safe, do that. Don’t show them there’s a person constantly trying to get a rise out of them. That makes people feel like a punchline. It’s weird what sticks… I still remember coming out of a concert and asking my ex what she was up to only to be met with “oh just blowing these 12 dudes… they seem to love it”… Luckily she was pretty understanding as to why that was hurtful. I used to do the same to my mom… She started on drugs way earlier than i did and was more paranoid than she thought she let on. When I’d leave and she’d ask what i was doing, I’d say “going to the park to shoot heroin.”

Bit of a running theme today… Claim i’m done talking about my ex but here we are. Up in Alaska, we had one conversation outside of work. Her friend was going through a messy breakup. He hit her. She left him for a hockey player. My ex was worried about him. Just now, i picked up someone with his name. Shot himself. I asked the coroner where, in order to tee up a fun story about a teen who had an open casket funeral with a hole in their head. The coroner says “Probably the head. We so many they’re starting to blur together.” So that’s not good…

what is good? 124 right now… i got a second lead on the drop and guess what everybody? It’s cohesive! 1 down… several hundred more to go… Hopefully my ex’s friend didn’t kill himself. We all used to work together back in the day. His friend sold me out apparently… that guy got stabbed in the chest and ribs did their thing. Anyway, my ex’s northern plaything can fall off a boat for all i care… traumatic either way ya slice it so… go big i guess… One of the voices claimed this was all a little set up for overreacting… My scientist ex cussed me out after we broke up so i was expecting something like that and said i had my emotional defenses up… instead i got “i don’t have time like i did, hope something works out for you” as if she didn’t already have friends and still called up until her birthday… I made it known i thought some one else was in the picture romantically… she said she didn’t know how to respond… just gonna ignore that voice… again… why not be prepared when something so serious is at hand? especially after what happened the year before… and all the snip snip snaaa jokes from the office… like whatever on my end. Some of my ex’s are moms, but she said she didn’t want to go through that again…

give it room…

i think Dillon Francis would be a good feature on 124… if anyone knows him… umm… explain it better than he would experience it reading this… So disorganized.

2025.2.20

Got burritos with my homie Luke and talked about how this content i’ve created since my ex left is a conflict of interest because it is my best work and i would rather have not done any of it… i was just trying to get my roommate laid and give my friends something fun to do because that’s what i always do and it turned into a schizophrenic meltdown or taking on every god and world government known to man depending on who you ask… People said make art to deal with your negative emotions so i do and whenever I’m happy people ask why i’m not making art…. ugh…. so happiness, misery, happiness, misery, and throughout it all “WHY DON”T YOU PRACTICE MORE AND GET BETTER?????” where are the people who did? Where’s kurt cobain? Where’s Mac Miller? Hell i don’t really envy most rappers out there… They’re invited to the wullums show if they can keep up… Mostly i envy pornstars… They seem comfortable with life in a way so few do… I wouldn’t let people do half that stuff to me…

yeah… so go fuck yourselves… welcome to grammy is dead… remains dead… i have no reason to get famous other than putting britain back in the box… i can finally dissappear into thighs like i always wanted… let the dipshits on the internet be desperate… i saw a billboard for a virtual twitch streamer the other day and honestly… so what if it’s a corperation running her? flinstones sold cigarettes before vitamins… why watch the news when you can make house music? it’s like swing kids but with house music… Once again, being the holy ghost doesn’t give me any privileges that others don’t grant me… the same voices that led me here have talked to people forever… I’m not the only one by a long shot… I just happen to make one or three of them, so i’m in the club in a way most aren’t… You’ve got how many books of them trying to wipe humans out? y’all voted for your leaders or let them steal the elections… I’m ONE GUY… Most people like me get murdered… The only reason i haven’t is because i murdered myself before they could… I don’t get it… or what i’m doing with 128 so i’m stalling… i saved the stripped down file to the wrong folder so all my mistakes reared their mid to trash faces and now i’m having trouble thinking of new rhythms and melodies… meanwhile, a friend from my old job is texting me today. When i worked there the first time, My head started to get screwy and i didn’t want to come between my ex and the owner. My ex is a man’s lady and she found two women she actually enjoyed the company of so i wasn’t about to mess with that. I was streaming at the time and working mortuary transport so i dropped that gig to focus on streaming while my ex was in alaska… The second time around… i was invited back because they felt bad about what happened in 2023… even knowing that i tried to see if my ex could get her job back but there was some unrelated stuff about some mail… this is life and death we’re talking about… jail is on the line… Actually why i quit… Life was great until this 4chan shit… If anything it added context… this was my ex’s dream job… or so she claimed… i could imagine cutting and running if the options were “manage a lodge and date the rich firefighter/emt or go back to sleep deprived fuck fest with the serial killer in training” We got enough trouble from the fire marshall and here i was telling pedos in the cia and british intelligence that i had dozens of bodies in freezers and they could join the piles… What i’m saying is, if I get that job back, this house ep could be shelved indefinitely and i will have no problems with that because ableton is only 300 dollars or so… you will get more out of making house music than i will… DJing is lonely as shit… I could roll up to a rave with more women than a dj could handle in one night so why bother with the talent agencies? (not as sexual partners… just like… as friends… like i was having nights where it was me and 6 or 7 ladies and it was SO MUCH FUN!!! sometimes there were dudes but that doesn’t reduce the number of women that were there… or how cool those women were… most of the time lol) I used to street team for AEG at the pizza shop so from 2012-2015 it was like 1-2 free concerts a week and a freak in the sheets making candy, growing boomers… talk about a dragon to chase… all downhill from there with various dope ass side quests… WHAT HAPPENED??? PARENTS HAPPENED…. and a fun new law that brought the rent wayyyyyy the fuck up in denver… oddly enough i pay that now and it’s fine so i guess it stalled out… other people pay way more… to my high school girlfriend’s dad lol… but they’re chumps… Like if i don’t find a spot by the end of this lease my brother said i could move in with him… chumps… move home… don’t move somewhere… say “but denver has it” and go to city council meetings… I suppose i share some of the blame for hakuna matata’ing my ass all over the place but is it just me or has the world been noticably getting shittier since obama term 2? i did get out of high school in 2010 and have never had access to a community like that since so… maybe that’s part of it… oh wait germany… yeah it’s part of it… not the whole thing…

128 is bothersome… music is about tension and release… normally this happens two or three times a song… 128 I decided it’s going to happen 4 times… I don’t know why i thought not doing the tried and true method would work… I’m stumped as to how to make this sound good and the answer is easy… don’t do it the way I’m doing it. Is there a ton of song structure difference on Rainbow Brain by Griz? No and it’s a classic album… he did get wild with it on mad liberation though… Luckily for me and Kendrick Lamar, A minor does more for music than occult magic so i just made the drop running down that triad. It matches the sample I made for the intro so there’s a back and forth going with the motifs… there was a style of classical music that did that… Established motifs and then expanded upon them… So now i can do two drops that build into the 3rd and the 4th can be a return to form… sounds aight… two leads and one pluck added… just using stock plugins and a serum preset… probably going to adjust those later… more good news… if the cancer was back, i would’ve heard something by now… so… breathe a sigh of relief, fans… coming this march, another session of line art on my back… there’s a bird that has a mole right where the butthole would be… that cracks me up…

What you have to realize is that 124 is mostly done from a writing standpoint… Dillon Francis could finish it in an afternoon and it would be hilarious! Plus, these tracks are still under 20 listens… i could make a new track for the EP no sweat… Or finish it and see if i can listen to it 950 times without doing anything to it before releasing it to the public… Either way it would be really funny for reasons… reasons i can’t share, lest somebody steals the idea… any producer is welcome… if they have a track needs vocals or words written, i’m out here… until this is done or i get my old job back…

okay 128 got really good, really quick… in other news, my head is killing me… sometimes you gotta take off your hat… I’ve been too good for too long and it’s not even that good… what am i supposed to do for 134? ugh… luckily, I’m in a place where certain things, I’m fine with so i can group and freeze them and ignore them for a while… my ear isn’t good enough to say i did them correctly but they are fine for now… also i was wondering how my jacket got so many holes in the sleeves and i’m pretty sure squirrels attacked it when i left it out here… Edm is all about minor keys and modalities these days… I’m thinking i’ll do a major key but center the song around the vi chord… vii - iii - vi… diminished chord for emphasis…that was a joke but it worked with the part of my vocal i care about so i’m leaving it in. vii°- I - iii - vi. there’s a joke about being off musically and playing the tonic on the 2 but i don’t know enough about music or racism to make it. I made this cool synth by vocoding a brass preset into itself and automating the formant, but i don’t know that it will make the final cut. Slow and steady makes the house… or in other words… “Kill the President” is a great Arrogant Sons of Bitches song…

Also I’m sampling “Tunak Tunak Tun” but i don’t which song it’s gonna go in yet… youtube downloaders… one day audiophiles will hate me… but any loss will be compesated for with additional instrumentation… it’s all about that noise shelf and it’s gon be at least -24db on these bad beezies… Trevor and I were talking about doing a “born slippy” remix because i’ve never heard a good version of that song and yet the beginning is the best edm i’ve ever heard ever… when i was a kid i would hear that song and be transported… not trainspotted… but then there’s no good version of it past 1:15. like maybe all it really needs is holding off on the kicks till the “boy” rides out and making a build of some sort… the “white thing mega mega” is okay i suppose… in a sense… it is the closest i’ve felt to musical heroin… i want the beginning so bad… soo so bad… but then it’s thumping bass… and almost what i want towards the end… but then just thumping bass till it’s over and the only question is 4 or 10 minute version… i worry if i say i hope anything about hard drugs, the opposite will come true or already has so… at least therapy is worth it to stop those impulses… it would be nice to say things and not be 100% sure they will bite me in the ass… including that… i gotta go to an art thing… my roommate invited me… her ex did heroin… doesn’t sound fun… i tell a story about some kids on heroin in one of my songs. They and I were the only white people at a highschooler’s party… i did not know he was in high school when he invited me… it was quite awkward… only got more awkward when someone ran out of the bathroom yelling that those two were shooting up in the bathroom and i saw highschool kids on heroin… didn’t look fun… certainly wasn’t fun for me… the art show tonight was… working on 144 is not… it was the best… now… so much thinner than the other tracks and i am uninspired… that ones comes in spurts apparently

2025.2.21

woke up on my british bully game again because they won’t stop acting like they have the solution… Some might say without england there would be no house music… there certainly wouldn’t be “born slippy.” To an extent they are right… without the trans atlantic slave trade and the racism that came from it we wouldn’t have the american folk tradition of the banjo that was co-opted by white people leading the blacks to invent rhythm and blues. The same thing happening with rock n roll, disco, and eventually hip hop… Nor would we get the carribean culture that gave us dj’s, mc’s, and sound selectahs… But yeah… I suppose aphex twin made good use of those accomplishments… At least Gorillaz invited the artists they were inspired by… So again… british people can leave but their country deserves to be turned into a prison… this is people who cut down ALL their trees at one point… Some people get this twisted and think i’m saying white people shouldn’t do what black people do… no… I’m saying it’s bullshit that jack harlow is more acceptable than lil nas x… or that some would choose tom macdonald over Denzel Curry despite tom having nothing worth saying in his brain… That zillakami feature is unfortunate in retrospect… what happened? Sometimes it’s like that… You’ll be all “I thought we were just talking about how we felt… i didn’t realize you were that bad of a dude… I’ll kill my opps sure but ain’t out here grooming and abusin. Remember who we’re doing this for…”

Speaking of scary dude’s. My burrito buddy, Luke asked if i was cool with the guy from tucson. I told Luke i was scared of that guy to a certain extent. Not in public… just before and after tuscon times would get weird with him… He really doesn’t like me spreading his business around and again, scared of him. Not in like an “i’ll die” way, but i don’t want the smoke… i want all the smoke from billionaires and the british. Suffice to say the only reason i bring it up is i picked up a guy with that guy’s name today. last name of a buddy i got caught shoplifting with… Hit by a train… This wasn’t the first train accident i’ve seen or been privy to. I met a guy named sean last night at the art thing. My high school buddy Sean’s brother got hit by a train. They started a charity for that guy. In college, a buddy’s girlfriend started making out with our other friend at a party and got hit by a train not much later(maybe a month later)… unrelated to the making out, but that guy never recovered and moved soon after… My ex and I used to ride along with each other and she got a train case once… that was just a bag of guts… i guess this guy’s jacket held him mostly together… His arms had come off though. Plus, something i had never seen before… His face was just a face… He was missing the entire back of his head… One could use what was left as a mask… it looked like an intact face… just nothing behind it… Wild shit… Sean’s brother and the college girlfriend were drunk but mr. face’d hello fresh id made me wonder if it was intentional… gig driving is about as dead end as it gets…

Whenever i bring up how much britain sucks, the argument for them typically goes “bu-bu-but the industrial revolution” ignoring how much medicine is in the jungle and wetlands… and how much of those have been torn down to serve industrial agriculture and suburban sprawl… yeah… awesome… also ignoring that neanderthals lived in peace with the planet for millions of years and since the industrial revolution, we’ve cooked Earth in less than 300… great job britain… Not to mention the ADDITIONAL slavery that led to in america with the chinese… But yeah… thanks for the trains… ol half head was quite a sight to see and they beat cars… We’ll take responsibility for that piece of shit, henry ford… Sure someone else could have done what he did but maybe they wouldn’t have been such a nazi about it…

Side note: does anyone have a way to get genius iq? i need to annotate tom’s lame ass rhymes

“And everybody angry if you say "white," 'kay fine
Pass me the brush and I'll paint my face 'til the shade's right”

you see because they’ll be mad if he does black face too… genius… People are so stupid indeed, tom… hey bud… i’ve got a sand castle i bet you can’t kick down barefoot… pussy…. next line…

“Let's talk about abortion, sorry, tell me how this works
Bacteria is life on Mars, but a heartbeat isn't life on Earth? Weird”

here’s how this works, tom… Child rearing is a process that takes 18 or more years… even if you give that kid up for adoption, someone has to take on that responsibility… A woman or couple can choose to avoid that responsibility before that life is making decisions… After it starts making decisions it can waive it’s right to life by taking it’s own life or the lives of others… Meanwhile, it’s kinda neat that bacteria exists on a planet people thought couldn’t host life… No one is arguing that a fetus doesn’t count as life, much like any minority or woman in your eyes, people just don’t care enough to keep it alive. before you protest a clinic, hand out a sandwich. Canadians… what are ya gonna do? haven’t been divorced from the british long enough… Don’t get it twisted, abortion sucks… you really do have the feeling that you’re letting a whole ass person down… that being said… uhhhh…. besides missing my ex… so fucking glad i am not taking care of twins right now… especially with nazi’s on the rise… WHITE TWINS???? with a pedo grandfather? fuck that… and who’s staying together for the kids these days? No one I know… Too many advertisements for what happens with “step” anything… what a world to bring kids into… ironic that i couldn’t avoid it entirely… Luckily the three sisters basically raised themselves… sometimes with the help of clones… What a year and change it has been… We’ve sure been through a lot… Really cool that i don’t have to deal with diapers… they make other people poop their pants and we can all laugh about it… but tom can’t handle that realness…

“We all grew up watching South Park, how are we offended?”

i know i know… god dammit kyle… Good thing he won’t call me jewish… he draws the line there… His tattoo artist must be so disappointed

Well anyway that’s about as much time as i want to waste on that douchebag… Don’t expect a diss track… it would just be one of his songs but why all his opinions are shit. I’d like to make house but my brother is moving into a new one and i told him i’d help. but he’s not calling so here’s what i got so far… this ep isn’t coming out for like 3 years unless a big name producer decides one of these tracks should be released as a single and then i’ll do a new one for the ep… So tom… you have three years to take this bar and finish it better than i did…

“everything about you sucks… i got cheated on and you’re a bigger cuck…”

or… it’s evident i haven’t been in the gym and this is big “hey mr. man energy” but i just wrote this and now my brother does need my help so… might delete later…

Guess 120’s out of the bag… that’s the beginning of what i had so far. If you put it on genius i’ll annotate how that “ended up pickles” line is about him balding and looking like the guy from metalocalypse. That and how “calling dimes nickles” is about his fatphobia. On with the day. I got to the storage locker my brother is storing his stuff at and got a call… sad stuff… apparently the guy was diagnosed last month… in an old picture he could’ve played harvey dent before the accident… on the bed he resembled an emaciated portrait of jesus. One eye didn’t close all the way and it kinda looked like he was doing an “are they falling for it?” check in… but he was dead alright. i’ll have what he had… one month? no guilt? sucks for his parents and kids though… they were all really sad. I don’t know if people want to hear my opinions on where they rank in terms of tragedy. Some people look at us searching for something. Probably just a reaction so see if what they’re experiencing is worth experiencing i suppose… Some people get awfully self concious about over reacting and if there ever was a time to not worry about that, it’d be losing a loved one. furthermore… i don’t care about how it happened, if there’s a hole in your life that wasn’t there an hour ago, that’s yours to process, not mine to evaluate. That call was remarkably tragic though. I did this job for over a year without writing about it. These aren’t stories that need to be told. I just like showing the intelligence agencies the world they created.

My ex used to ask why i didn’t journal when we were together the second time. It was because i had nothing to think about… This job doesn’t spark anything in me other than “why them and not me?” Most of my journalling was getting over her so without that… nothing to write about. Now i’m just bored as fuck and can’t go out to meet people without the possibility of needed to leave at any moment… online dating isn’t fun for me especially in a world of bots so… meh? produce house i guess? That’s another thing i hate about life… You train in the off time in case you come up against some bullshit and life goes “Oh you like doing that ey? here’s an opportunity. Write, fight, test your might!” Meanwhile, i’m over here wondering why everyone is fucking liar all the time and why my generation was told to write countless essays only to be told nobody gives a shit about what we have to say. What was the fucking point of all that writing? math and music are better tools of communication than english… no wonder we’re all so stupid… i’m aware that western music is a language unto itself and exporting that is somewhat just as sinister.

i didn’t change anything on 124. It doesn’t need to be Dillon Francis who gets featured on this song but it does need to be someone of his caliber. Calvin Harris, Justice, Rusko, Dada Life, Habstrakt… maybe… idk… It’d would be real cool to work with Ghastly. Just my opinion. After putting a link before that 120 wip, Dylan Brady counts… that guy works harder than anyone these days… Then it’d be two diylloans… and we could get a video by the Daniels… holy ghost and celebrities…

21:20 i dunno y’all… suddenly very up in my feelings… don’t know how much work will get done tonight. Thinking about Heart Hearth Earth… and another call came in. name of the guy who made out with train girl… not really a coincidence… It’s weird taking a year and a half off this job. The new crew is not the one i was used to and they do things differently. I don’t care as long as no one is getting injured but i worry my difference of opinion is taken as incompetence. I don’t know how to address that as i am the “newest” member of the squad, despite training the manager. The only reason i left was because i wasn’t allowed a van after she hired a new driver when i got skin cancer. There simply wasn’t enough hours in the crematory. After leaving, the crematory assistant vacated her position and the new driver took her place. Now I’m back in a van and it’s nice to have health insurance again but I have got to stop going back to things… maybe the tissue donation place… i could see if that’s what makes me crazy…

12:06 i could write about that call… all the thoughts i had… once again… i hate making content… it just bores and frustrates me less than video games… if i could think of a better way to escape this hell i would do that instead. Everyone in my life has their own thing going and i’m not trying to get in the way of that… if you want to know about the dead and newly grieving… you pick em up… I’m here to talk about house music…

2025.2.22

As early as I can remember, I had a book of the paintings in the Louvre… what can i say? Been raised around art of naked ladies… Sometimes gooning just doesn’t do it for me so i make stuff like this… It’s an animation test really… the drawings are done in ms paint, traced from pics off 4chan. Then i make abstract assets with mirror and glitch lab… I figure if i draw the in betweens and mash it up, it’ll give me a mix of ai nonsense and the music video for “Swoon” by Chemical brothers.

Side note… this would be an actually effective use of ai. One could write a program that covers up exposed children or people sold into bondage without the people solving those cases having to see the victims themselves… Probably don’t add the eye shine… If facial recognition gets good enough, the computers can type out the identities of the victims. Law enforcement could observe the rooms and see if the people are being taken around or being brought to one place. For what it’s worth i think this is standard protocol in some agencies but i read people still have to do it themselves. Sadly, america would rather elect pedophiles president than put them behind bars or exile them so this is a fun distraction from that nightmare…

in other news, i finished that tom macdonald diss track… gotta get my vocals on time, but Triplash said he’d help finish it…

here’s the demo… I wrote those lyrics in like two hrs over two days possibly rehearsed 10 times if that… I know, i know, it shows but drake got “Not Like Us” so i feel like me being the one to do this diss track as a complete unknown is all tom really deserves… it’s an insult in itself… “you’re so bad at rapping, people who aren’t famous can rap circles around you. I guess you are the DEI hire of rap according to your ilk... unqualified but shunted in because of their minority status… you bitch. Way to prove your race is not in fact superior. You couldn’t even find a flavor flav you albino Chuck D wannabe shit pile”… I could easily do that 24 times and pick the best 15… but what would be the point? I don’t know Mustard, Metro Boomin, Just Blaze, The Neptunes, Lex Luger, Dr. Dre, kanye west, Donald Glover, Tyler The Creator, Kaytranada, Nate Fox, Kenny Beats, or Ricky Ried… (did he get dr. luke’d? like Ricky’s cool right?)

I could buy Crank Lucas beats but Crank Lucas is a better rapper… I’m not saying I’m the best… I’m just a better white rapper than tom macdonald… I am an MC also… The Lord of Hosts in some instances but that’s more a ceremonial thing… of which i am a master… Plus, there’s something to be said about representing one’s city so I’m aiming halfway between Flobots and 3OH!3… Of course, Triplash sends me the guy who’s doing it right… and is throwing in some tips

21:32 Ran pirate radio for 2 and a half hours or so. This whole rapping again situation seems like a trap. For those who started here, my ex said “gotta get those song lyrics some how” when we got back together and ever since she left they’ve all made mention of her cheating on me. Truth is we weren’t dedicated or exclusive that time around. I plan on listening to these songs 1000 times and we are not even at 20. I am not going to remind myself, and additionally reiterate to myself, that I’m the type of person that happens to. I knew it going in. Just thought i had more time. the two times i came back… two summers in alaska… hot springs… the writing was on the wall… Also… there might have been assault at play so i don’t think that counts… I’m more ashamed i’m not the guy who could handle her #whyistayed story. Like how could i care for someone who couldn’t trust me to handle that? None of that has anything to do with tom… he’s just an asshole… So i’m not repeating that in my speakers and microphone 980 times just to diss a guy my buddy didn’t even know. That line is fire though and the notes about it, I stand by. 120 was supposed to be disco. Back to the drawing board. The other song stands because i kept telling her to be honest with her other boyfriend… That was my whole thing right? if she wasn’t honest with him or her dad… why would i be any exception? Especially when i do shit like this lol… can’t tell me nothin… can’t even think around me! I was just hoping she knew she could do that and be honest with me but the other guy… fucking always with these other guys… and that’s somehow seen as “more manly”… so obviously there is a societal bend to that but like… this was the girl who was trying to scout men to plow me while she watched… and somehow i’m incompatible and alone… fuck this noise… hey that gives me an idea!

“everything about you sucks. only one rewrite and it still fucks”

the magic of healing… and words

you see “breaking a barrier just gave you parents” in the second verse is about how 1) kids don’t like his music and 2) he’s a result of a broken condom and that’s why he’s so against abortion… his parents wish they got one….

i’ve seen a lot of youtube videos about the Kendrick halftime show… breaking it down… giving you the inside scoop… and it’s all text… “uncle sam… is a poster… played… by a Sam…” “America is like a game of sorts… two teams opposing… but they don’t wear uniforms…” “the audience might not like how ‘black’ he is” as if this is the first time Kendrick made any of those points… If there was any subtext it was “Y’ALL ARE TOO STUPID TO LISTEN TO ME UNLESS IT IS LITERALLY NARRATED TO YOU BY YOUR FAVORITE BLACK GUY FROM THE MARVEL MOVIES AND THE ENGLISH MOTHER FUCKER DO YOU SPEAK IT!” which has got to be a trip for Sam… wasn’t he a panther? If Kendrick’s team is correct, those youtubers are doing him a great service…

so in that vein… when i say “go back tim hortons for bamkins of napkins. You hear whooty who, yeah dumbass you called em” this is actually incredibly dense… bampkins of napkins refers to a style of flow poineered by eminem where one tries to fit as many rhymes as possible into one couplet. unfournately for tom there are other things that made eminem good at it like connecting his concepts. Whooty Who is a way people in the know find each other or alert each other to the cops (depends on geography)… Referring to the way tom might call the cops on some black people at his favorite doughnut shop… and one might say… ahh… you can’t bampkins of napkins… but notice… horton… who… i’m actually saying he isn’t even bamkins… he’s dr. suess… meanwhile…

2025.2.23

Well the spy agencies are not happy about yesterday… I stayed up late but not too late fucking up their whole christmas last night… What gets me is they are still on the sex and relationship aspect of this… So let me explain this once more… Y’all are confusing shared history and intimacy for the mouth drooly lust that you fuckheads experience… They are fundamentally incapable of the kind of bond i am going after and reducing it to quantity of sex shows how bad that are at fucking… we good? On with the house… Because the thing about music is it will never be good enough… There’s an amount of sport to this… One’s lungs are only so good… a voice can only be trained so much before the long decline… That’s why K-pop stars work harder than american doctors… All to be the the one that’s one your screen and speakers the most… Or conversely, there’s people like me who don’t put in that level of work but keep exploiting new niches and old styles of creation in the hopes that we’re one leg of a relay… I believe in the wullums show as a style of performance more than any song I’ve ever written… However, my brother is back out on the road and it didn’t really catch on… This leaves me doing Dj sets if i want to perform… which means i need some originals… Lucky five bangers is all you need… That launched Knife Party… More so than anything, it’d be nice to have a residency again but Germany was special… the club threw “american night” so everyone from the hotel went to party there… I don’t know a club in denver that has that kind of weekly draw besides cervantes experiment nights and Mikey Thunder has that on lock… Everywhere else, and rhythm sanctuary rotate djs through… once again… i am not leaving without a signed check containing enough to get there and back…

for now there’s pirate radio