Dowens Lowens too Slowens, Ginger Abigal

 guess I gotta talk magic now? wow Seven does suck, eh callbacks?

Right on, raise your hands if you understand how much pressure dank baddy bunty is under. 

Okay if you raised your hand you need to unsubscribe from my channel right now. I don’t have numbskulls who can’t think for themselves trying to quote me at some stupid office mixer after seeing their coworker’s tinder bio say they like a dry sense of humor. Unless you want to dry their genitles and and sip away the sadness on a delicious tito’s redbull and vodka. 

They don’t sponsor me and don’t really drink but islam ain’t down with gin and the scientolgists say ya gotta go clear so what does that leave us with for the holy spirit? Malibu? That godless, jack sparrow, spare bedroom air b&b’ing to cover the bills of the phone scat left on the mattress ass… beach? What even is malibu besides rum? Half the time i think the hamptons are next to burbank, just a stones throw away from tampa and the pokinoes and i don’t even touch bacardi anymore.

If you’re still here that’s what i’m talkin about unless your hand is still up, you light rail or subway riding, public transit taking, social sellout. Better be wearing headphones or any one who hears this has permission to knock this phone out of whoever’s limp wrist is holding it. If you just knocked a phone out of someone’s hand subscribe to my channel you shining diamond of disrespect. I want my verbal diarrhea to coat the inside of your mouth like the 43 tums you fail to chew after the 3rd 3 alarm hot wing. Anyone else? Exactly what i’m looking for. People who will raise their hands but not unsubscribe. But also won’t be weird about it. Promise me you won’t be weird about this. Things got really weird with like… everyone who ever attempted to talk about this kinda stuff. People are so set in their ways when it comes to alcohol preference.

Like… it’s not the be all end all of life. You can totally not drink booze like most of the time. Some people… they do enough of that. Other’s… they still want more. I want more weed it’s fine. Our preferences don’t have to align… look if you want jagermiester i’m sure tito’s isn’t hurting for the present. This is alcohol we’re talking about. Like you gotta do stuff to water to make it drinkable. A blessing sure as hell doesn’t go as far as a filter and a fluoride treatment but good luck explaining that to a town who’s ambient PH is below 7. Looking at you 80216. Half the audience looking up michigan zip codes and the michigan audience knowing it’s from texas. I see you michigan. Still dumb as box of outdated red wings souveniers. Too bad ya can’t put a steel mill in flint and chicago yourselves an event more interesting than ohio’s last cry for help and cash in the insurance money. Still got those digeredoo ass floating sewers that cause all that noise pollution or is the sediment filling em up faster than heavy metals do your neuroreceptors?

Magic… What is magic? What do you think this is incognito mode? Expecting “A gun” like some to do you can checkov in your scavenger hunt of memes i’ve referenced? you, Calling me the poor man’s big money ass sog sucking cctv checkin hunch back of blue light sensitivity. You haven’t seen enough esoterica videos? Nah senpai I get it you’re more into covens who bubble bubble toil and troubles with their hibachi wands. Why don’t you swan dive out of macbeth and back into the topic at hand. Alcohol is basically chemo therapy for your gut biome in high enough concentrations and if you see that as a miracle aphrodiasiac than no amount of magic is gonna bend to your whim until you cut a gap worth minding in a banksy painting and open your third eye wider than the onaholes you keep drawing you, bukaki towel slurpin, toenail biter. So when you pop open a can of your favorite flavor of redbull and pair it with a shot or two of tito’s don’t pop a blood vessel at the thought of taking seperate ubers. 

Speaking of the last time i ate your mom out before menopause, fellas, or the next opportunity for me to prove more dedication then your current significant other, ladies. Specifically candace. There’s three kinds of blood magic. The kind that doesn’t do anything will get you arrested. This is the realm of organ divination, vampirism and ritualistic sacrifice. 

All total duds. 

Animal sacrifice for food rituals is a little different because any one who pays attention to their chef friends knife handles or is comfortable with cast iron cooking can tell you if somebody cooks for god, you let them cook. Most notable exception being what ever, “kicked out of the black forrest” backwoods religion the british came up with circa an bolin. Might as well put haggis along with with some collard greens the way those sword in the stone worshipping sog heads disrupted the culinary instinct. I know haggis is more akin to kim chi but at least the unabashed freeballers knew how to bring taste to a dish without bringing opioid addictions along with them. 

Which brings us to blood magic type 2 and it truly is the global equivilant of wilford brimlies target audience having a addictive fetish for glucose enemas. I’m talking monarchy and racism. Use that test strip to get elizabeth holmes her one drop and i’ll smear a pentagram on your clown nose before giving you a wet willy andrew, erik, and erick. Pretty sure smirkin murkin is gonna go carol baskins on double d if she keeps gettin beans on her buttered toast. Load up on these jawbreakers you big brother worshiping short stacks. I’m referring to their chimneys they can’t even use because it’s more cost efficient to ship a gun or a kid than heat an apartment complex by any means other than billy crystals character in howl’s moving castle gone akira. Here’s a fun hypothesis. I bet any punkass extolling the malliability of statistics can fit both ends of the horseshoe theory up their burro and i ain’t here to talk about or watership down. The confines of the experiment are loosely correlated to the will of the agenda… with error bars and standard deviations picking up the slack for incompetence and lack of funding. So if you get down on a community because you can’t understand the difference between “hotline bling” and “we cry together”, maybe next time publish your scholarly articles in a fashion more akin to Ann frank and perish in the attic like the fish head eatin, evil twin you are. And spare me your ummm actuallies before all dork and so gay make hoodie reaper man something something.

So what if Semiconducters in space hasn’t filtered out ort cloud interference when it comes to analizing star farts? At least they’re not pretending the first born son has a leg up on the prolitariot because he had private tudor’s. I guess those two doors were andrew’s mouth and ass because I’m sure his tuturs took him to the eiffel tower if the aristocrats are to be believed. And that goes for any pugnatious, flat faced, colloidal silver eating, blue faced but not blooded, plantation reservin, descendants of slave owning filth. Why don’t you get under one those pigs you love to fuck so much and talk about how you only start to have these feelings when the mud makes it past your eyes. It’s looks soo much bigger when i pack the slop around the knob but my mississippi ceramics always fall apart before it makes it into ol bessies backside. Must be my bloodlines.

Moving on from both those backwards ass conceptions of society. Eh go brag about the genetic advantages of finding your cousin hot, ya horse kicked, marble lickers, look mum it still tastes like fabuloso. I’m almost ready for my cotillion. for the last time Donovan-Micheal your cousins name caitlyn and unless you want us on the news like the duggars, you’ll wait till she stops wobblin after daddy gets done like she’s imitating dressage. Can’t tell if it’s the valium or the vertigo, he only hit me because i kept asking if it was in yet. We can’t have her rape kits get the local venture capilist locked up after he does a dance on maury pauvich. 

You thought we were done? Like I need Candance “to what do i owens the pleasure” to notice me. We’ll get there when we get there. Third kind of blood magic is the only one you should care about and that’s practical medicine you gate keeping, god larpers. The statically male hands yellin kal i ma in the OR ain’t shit with out the gas lady, the flotbotmist, the ones who cross typed the blood and replacement, and the ones who cleaned up the mess just so Don Mikes can lick the marble in the lobby when Dick cheney comes out looking at his next house of the scorpion pianist. This was the field i was in until some chickin shit feds decided spying on my work was safer than a face to face with stained glass image of the torch flame of the master race. Aka. the one against time. Ain’t got a scyth but i do have a spliff. Hey ain’t that a familar silloette. And ain’t this a familiar pose. Fool me once? What? That’s how it goes. And that’s true magic and that’s true power. Dick perpetually in your mom’s ass without lifting a finger, son. Because what’s the sun to the black hole, and you know whats in her back hole? hemmeriods. and we’re only beginning to spaghetify. 

Lotta these end with what seems like unjust ire at meth heads and those tire fire forced antihistimemes can comb q drops on reddit. Before they hep up with b or c and start to spread it. People say I’m gonna end up like them someday and I say nay. I have one can of monster like an adult. An emirgent property of domestication is an ever extending puberty so thanks for speeding up the process you immature, gas station rose buying, buds light on rent money, citizen cancers.

I’m not trying to play your game or subvert your expectations. If you think you understand what going on, your wrong. If you haven’t noticed my tone and content matter hasn’t changed it’s just the music underneath it. I’ve been playing you the whole time.