Grimm Greetings

By K-Wullums

This was a little flow I wrote a few years back but I don’t think I have it written down anywhere.

Once upon a time, in a long forgotten wood,

a little one was riding underneath a scarlet hood.

All at once, the wind was blowin’ and the trees began a shakin’.

In the pathway popped a wolf and as it grinned said “Want some bacon?

See I know these little pigs and they’re held up in some bricks.

I blew down all their straw and I blew down all their sticks.

Didn’t really need to do it but I heard ‘em talking shit.

Figured if you mess with me, then you get put on a spit.”

“Well you can save your story” said the young one “I don’t care.

I’m only running through these woods because I’m getting chased by bears.

See I was tired of my grandma’s so I booked a b&b.

When I got there nothing fit right and I tried but couldn’t sleep.

Plus, the chairs were really creaky and at night they just kept snoring

and the only thing they had to eat was really lumpy porridge.

So, I left a bad review and well, I guess they read it

cause I told them they could eat me-”

The wolf said “hey look, I get it.

In this world I know a girl who’d feed her house to kids to eat ‘em.

Know another, sell her children just to make some golden sheets n’

then sometimes I dress as sheep just to leave the shepherd screamin’.

I make it look so good that all the others don’t believe him.

So, if we’re skinning up some rugs before we honey roast some ham,

please just let me introduce myself. The name is Big and Bad.

I can take you where you like. I can get you what you need.

The only things I ever ask for are respect and food and sleep”

“Well my name is Goldie but my friends all call me Locks,

I know every Jack and Jill, I’ve found all the finest flops

and I’ve got these magic beans that make the kids see golden geese.

I take their cash cows at the market and I make their mama’s weep.

I ain’t lying I know giants, but I need someone with teeth.

You get those bears. I’ll get these pigs and then we’ll have ourselves a feast”

And we did like it was easy and we laughed at what we’d done.

Who should spy us by the fire? T’was the little shepherd’s son.

His vorpal blade went snicker-snack as he lept across the flame

He took our last pigs head and went back the way he came.

We just laughed and mocked the boy because the kid was oh so cocky

and he ought to be… he thinks he got a jabberwocky