Ted Kaczynski ain't got shit on me, but i ain't like... scary like that

Yeah I can’t cuss for like the first fifteen seconds of the video. I guess youtube figures that’s how long you have to click off the video if you’re at work or bllaring your raycons in class and if that’s the case you better be going back to school because i only rock with 24 and up. 23 ain’t dating me nom saying. But i swear… and i cuss and i’m pretty sure the 15 seconds are up so hit me with your best shot barracuda. 

What gives you the confidence to ask yourself these questions?

The fuck you think this is a fucking game. Like i wanna be pontificating on global trafficking rings while my plants die in the background all because butthurt bulldogs can’t handle mr. bulldups and his schwifty ass your mom jokes, or should I say honey oakes and gentle pokes in ya mum’s back bum bringin new encyclopedia britannica and OED entries on the word Cock kneed. Talk about a british bulldoggy style. Gordon ramsey can cup the soggy loggy. She bit the pillow and accidentally stamped my passport. Talk about strange customs. And speaking of no condoms. Why am talking about the modern day sodom when there’s plenty gemorrah where that came from… 

I was just a… well… i wasn’t asking for much attention. I like plant photography, synth music, and seeing my friends faces. But the CIA had other plans. Unfortunately, my mom said everyone blames the cia and i was like before i start feeling suicidal tendancies, I might as well tend to that ten piece aka dime all the wonks are calling Candance owens. And break her out of that JF Wife swap with the spare tire in the boote(because george farmer has a gay lover). Not like stacey dixon will mind if my thoughts on leprosy are to be believed. Shows up as a rash at first but im sure life finds a way when injected into a vein in guantanamo or wherever clowns shoes rears their squeaking whoopy cushion ass souls. (see they want to figure out crocodile necrosis to take off arms…)

From what I could gather they wanted some Anti-christ type figure to lead an armed revolution against the 1% to make them look sympathetic. At that point martial law could be instated without any real rioting. After all, if heads of companies started being massacred in redundancy, wouldn’t that be just cause for a few more MRAPs on the street?

This happened over the course of about three days once I got back to my car. The regional groups were separated as such. Denver, Taking out raytheon, the ice detention in aurora, At&T(apparently in dallas), then moving south to focus on the family as military installations spent weapons caches. Atlanta crew, first wasting a “nobody speaks” worth of fat cats in dallas ft worth, then moving back to cop city and onto florida. This comes up later but not in this video. Slightly to the north we have the appalachian crew dispatching of auto manufactures and burning any remnants of blue prints the ford descendents might still hold to that haven’t been installed by geo group. For what it’s worth appalachia was where my imagination soared. Dolly parton dispatching of dr. phil in what i can only call her trademark style. Had the CIA believing she found a fountain of youth and built her house around it with ponce de leon. Tuck everlasting style. Apparently they thought Trillbillies was a speech impediment and never looked up the podcast. 

As I drove around being survielled they were hoping i knew names but all i was doing was naming celebrities. It was honestly hilarious. The groups would switch around and i kept being like “ugggghhhhhhhh……..” not this again. You boners are more trigger happy than gangweed on call of duty after what’s her bucket ignores him. There was this hand sign and my body moved like it was possessed but only if i let it. And I did because the dream they had constructed was hysterical. Kamala harris teamed up with sonya sodermaore to take out the builderbergs with a backpacker i met in budapest. Patton Oswalt and Seth Mcfarlane went after the hells angels after helping chance the rapper and the tech life crew dispatch of the chicago mayor. Notable side plot of that one. While in boseman by way of minnesota, seth got pegged by natalie portman, keira knightly, and emma watson after they all were digitally hypnotized horny by meta spyware. Shout out smart mirrors. Zuckerberg needed all the blackmail he could get. Same reason the cheney’s invested in limewire and now vpn’s. 

Speaking of. Apparently a lot of those are run out of pearl harbor? Could be lies. But here’s a surprise. The staff from various adult film studios rose up against their captors in socal and the cia would… would… have us believe they would totally have a blood orgy if the big bad lion king of 4chan told them to but i know just how much that smells and ain’t anyone getting out of here with a clean colon let me tell you. No one ever invites you to the bile and stomach acid orgy. Everybody in that ward is praying you keep down the applesauce this time. 

So yeah by this point Seth had washed off the lube and Patton was pissed i kept name dropping him. That group of saucy boys and girls was final bossing the hell’s angels green room style in oregon. Bout to bust heads in wine country while kevin smith and co. followed me around highway 285 freeing… someone from various ranches out there? It was all very stupid but it beats taking their job offer. Especially if dr. phil is involved.

What wasn’t stupid was dancing with… Candance owens? Pretending to be kamala harris being projected to a strip club while “ass like that” announced the impeachment of joe biden. Those douchebags kept trying to get me to play “day n nite by kid cudi” and like it never was the vibe. This is what happens when you give the trump family or erik prince the bluetooth. One thing I just learned this morning is i kept calling jacob wohl, jake tapper, which you can imagine is embarrassing because i don’t pay attention to politics. Real dinner for shmucks situation the CIA put me in but if you or a celebrity you know gets asked by a kurt cobain lookalike to load up on guns(because i have blonde long hair), ask if you’re lacing up them clown shoes because the southern strategy always has and will be take the rivers. However,  chicago to new orleans has held sway. Oh say I see how sweet it is to be loved by you bayou. Florida and texas may try to flank but half the fentynol in the word can’t kill the dirty south spirit. Sip lean on me when your not strong and we’ll take more body shots than lil wayne when his aunt’s not home.

What i think hurts the most was when… who i can only assume was george farmer. Because they claimed to be candace’s… deaf… vietnamese… girlfriend. Needed my help to yell at texas instruments for making cochlear implants or something. Truly adorable. But heinous. They had me play my eclipse video and someone laughed at the united states of leeland joke so we let them go but like… if the cia was to be believed the bloodshed was on par with like 3 school weeks in america. 

This all came to a head with a little bit of a “Prank war” 

I woke up to dreams of bugs crawling on my face so i told the cia to take a bunch of meth and well according to them a lot of em killed themselves after i played some cabin in the woods. Hardy hardy har I said. 

Not to be outdone they claimed i was in a canabalistic satanic ritual… Fat chance. Like anyone calling me out on that chubby checker fats domino mix up last video. Just because my friends parents had some custody battle when i helped them move to durango doesn’t mean his family was brutally murdered and force fed to me. I think i would know if i hungered for prions you mad cow leprosy spreading blight on this nation.

So yeah that all seemed incredibly specific but around this point i had doxxed myself in a deleted video, beacon style and my roomates began to fret. I figured I was on house arrest for bioterrerism given the CIA’s incompetence and frankly at the time they had me believing i was in a polyamorous 4 some with 3 women on a murderous rampage to take over the country. Quite the dream if it were to ever come true but luckily, the Japanese at toyota and samsung, the Koreans at JYP (samsung is korean too) and the good ol FBI stepped in to ease me back into reality. Now if only the Cringe idiots association and sog heads would get out of my head i could tell the world the truth about ningning but as long as loose lips sink ships I aims to take a bite out of biltmore and the builderbergs, not to mention blackswamp or whatever erick prince calls his lack of a top gun playset. Probably got more little boys on deck than sea org you skull n bones paddlin oxford imitating poision ivy league brown nosers, Yale is the only school named after what the women do for help.well that and penn state. I bet you wicked smart assholes want your stem in their mits but you keep lynch mobbing the boston dynamics robot dogs whenever they give Yunice or shareen their coffee. You know what they say, went to harvard law, first case is me. Dartmouth might as well be called ravenclaw the way they operate in the shadows like Jk rowling looking to john stienbeck for notes. 

Here’s how it friend faces. If you hate jk for her portrayel of the trans community but forgive stienbeck his transgressions in Of mice and men just because he travelled with charlie then you you can stick that wand you tried to flush down the toilet back up your ass where your head is and lobotomize yourself. That’s the neurodivergent equivalent of birth of a nation and the only discussion we hear of linguistic evolution is in relation to samuel clemons. Not much better today seeing as how the closest touchstone to anyone with special needs is still called the ringer(glee… how did i forget glee?). Great to know that retard strenth exends to charater now.

If your still smoking or shooting that glass after what i’ve said nows a great time to take a double dose and jump into a lake with cinderblock shoes. I don’t need your thoughts, prayers, haircuts or pity and if your feeling down and out, pick your teeth about it. Mine might be stained but they ain’t falling out and we’re not friends. Neither is your skinhead dealer so next time consider a bang preworkout like a normal kreatine abuser.

Change your fuckin socks.