Staying Motivated

Dear you, reading this,

Being broke is kind of stunting. Sure there are things you can do; however, everything seems like a chore. Also, having a full fridge means you don't really have to get out much or at all. Throw some drugs in the mix and it's easy to get locked to your couch.

That's not a fun space to be in! I don't know if having money would break me out of the cycle. What concerns me the most is rampant consumption. There's so much to eat and smoke. I just keep on consuming when I'm bored. It doesn't feel good. My guts seem like they're pushing at my skin as if they're trying to escape. When I ask myself what to do, my body responds by consuming something else. I'm constantly rotating between food, soda, smokables, and my cell phone. Nothing getting done and pain cropping up all over my body. Plus, my brain doesn't work as well when I'm in this mode. I can't even blame it all on the pot. I've been productive while smoking. This is something different. Even when I'm sober my mind seems cloudy.

Realistically, this is fine. I've been here before and I've gotten out of it too. Little breaks like this really illuminate how boring freedom is. Direction and purpose are beneficial in life. I haven't lost my purpose, but the direction is a little weird right now.

I've been hanging out with two hippies who don't get along and yet each want to be friends with me. That's cool I suppose, but something feels off. It doesn't seem as if I should be spending my time driving around town without a job, talking about philosophy and enlightenment. It's nice to just observe the world and make it more beautiful, but is that going to get me to red rocks?!

As always, Thank you for reading

-K-Wullums

J Say of the Day: Breath Deep. Fill yourself to find out how full you are.